Archive for November, 2007

Wanted: Nanny

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007

mrsdoubtfire
Not Necessarily
THIS Nanny…

“The Lady,
she
no home.”
“Gramma-Lady” type characteristics. Cooking, laundry and cleaning MANDATORY (yes, windows, too). Must be willing to endure ear-splitting decibels of all genres of music. Dancing to same will be considered an asset by the employer. Must have excellent bar-tending skills, most especially in the Art of the Cuba Libre, and the Dirty Martini. Must be fluent in Cat, Teen-Ager, and Gibberish.

Communication requirements minimal, but the following phrases should be memorized:

“Sit. Write. Eat.”

“Your bath is ready.”

“Your clothes are here, laid out in the order in which they should be put on.”

“Don’t forget your camera.”

“CSI is starting.”

“Of course it’s not too early to have a beer, silly! I’ll get one for you.”

Phone skills - To be memorized: “The Lady, she no home.”

Apply Where the Walls are Soft. All applications will be seriously considered.

Random Song for the Day: “It’s a Hard Life” - Queen

Okay, So This Distracted Me a Little…

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

Brrr!
“Brrr!”
Taken November 8, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550

I’m not sure why “Global Warming” Issues bring out the “Impending Ice-Age” Issues with me, but they did today. Maybe it was because it snowed again today - not enough to stay on the ground, but it was some cold, regardless. I was glad for my “hoodie-thing”.

Maybe it’s just that The Green Lady has never really left me… Bitch.

Anyway… I surfed the news on my lunch break and came across these distractions. I found it hard to concentrate this afternoon for thinking of that last one.

clipped from edition.cnn.com

A new interactive online database unveiled Wednesday provides maps, color-coded categories and detailed information about who is putting 10 billion tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere annually from power plants around the world —

  blog it

And even more interesting….

clipped from edition.cnn.com

(PopSci.com) — Last winter, inventor John Kanzius was already attempting one seemingly impossible feat — building a machine to cure cancer with radio waves — when his device inadvertently succeeded in another: He made saltwater catch fire

  blog it

I mean, it’s from “accidental” stuff like this that incredibly cool Eurekas! are made. I hope I live long enough to find out where this one will be applied.

Random Song for the Day: “Climbatize” - Prodigy

PS - Still sleeping. :-D

When Ruby Runs Out of Stories…

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

doghouse - photo

“…when she
didn’t
come out
for her supper,
I got
some nervous.
When I went to
check on her, I was sure she was dead.”
You noticed “Ruby” in the header, didn’t you? That’s why you’re here. My stats go waaaaay up when I post about Ruby. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her that the other week. Grinning to beat the band, she was.

And then she told me she didn’t think she had any more stories in her. I told her I didn’t believe her, but she insisted that, rack her brains as she might, she couldn’t think of anything she hadn’t already told me.

We went back to the crossword, both a little depressed.

Me, befuddled: What’s a 7-letter word for a “cream-coloured dog?”

Ruby, in the blink of an eye: Samoyed.

Me: How the heck do you know that?!

I had one. We called her Sanya. She just showed up on the doorstep one night. She was one big mess. She sure wasn’t cream-coloured that night, let me tell you.

Me: See?! There’s a story right there!

Bah! About a dirty ol’ stray dog? No, she wasn’t much. Well, I guess she was a good dog, alright; I sure thought a lot of her, I guess. You wouldn’t believe the life of that dog! One day she got into antifreeze in the garage and darn near poisoned herself to death. That was the only time I took a dog to the vet, I thought that much of her.

She couldn’t even stand up, and we had to carry her to the car. All the way there, I figured we was bringing a dead dog to the doctor. She hung on, though; cost us a fortune in room and board while they fixed her up. Finally, we took her home on account of she didn’t seem to be getting any better, and the vet said there was no point in having her spayed, because even if she came around, she’d never have puppies anyway, on account of what that antifreeze did to her…

Anyway, when we got her home, we hefted her up on the couch and the next day she ate a little, and got herself back up on the couch. Day after that, she ate a lot more and got herself up and down. One more day, and you’d never know she’d been sick.

After that, she got real nice, always wanting to hang around at my feet, and snuggly-like. She’d spend her days out in the yard, tied to her dog house, and come in and sit with me in the evenings. She was a right nice dog, Sanya was.

One day though, I looked out the kitchen window, and there that dog was, sittin’ out in the pouring rain! Wouldn’t go in her house to save her skin. I thought, ‘Now what’s got into that stupid dog?’, and I went out to find out. She wouldn’t go in that dog house no way, no how. She just sat there in the pouring rain, crying.

Finally, I figured there must be something in her house, so I stuck my head in and you wouldn’t believe what was in there!

The dog house was in a little dip in the yard, and the rain had all seeped in and made a great big puddle… and there in the puddle was five puppies. Drowned.

Well!

I felt about as miserable as poor ol’ Sanya looked, let me tell you, and she looked as miserable as a wet dog can. That’s pretty miserable. I got her into the house and dried her all off. She just looked depressed, I tell you, and I felt guilty as sin. I let her up on my bed, that’s how guilty I felt.

She stayed in there for the rest of the day, and when she didn’t come out for her supper, I got some nervous. When I went to check on her, I was sure she was dead. She wasn’t though. She was nursing a puppy!

That was a cute little pup, but I didn’t want two dogs, so I found a good home for the little one when the time came. Sanya didn’t like that, I don’t think. She started breaking her chain and taking off. Every time she’d come home, she’d have a face full of porcupine quills.

You ever have to take the quills out of a dog’s face? Nasty job. Hard on the dog, too. You’d think she’d have learned, but nope. Two days later, she’d be gone again, and come back with another face full.

Finally, we decided to put her down. She just wouldn’t learn. There was some happy porcupines after that, I’ll bet.

Anyway… Sanya was a cream-coloured Samoyed. Write that down.

Random Song for the Day: “Palm Of Your Hand” - Cake

Hell Froze Over

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

First Snow - photo
“First Snow”
Taken November 8, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550

I’m hoping
the
next three
weeks of Weird
will just
turn the 10
pm thing into an
automatic occurance.
The post that I had half-written to go with this picture is now stale and moldy, and the time has passed.

The snow didn’t stay, anyway. I won’t leave the house without boots, overcoat, toque, gloves and my over-the-head “hoodie-thing”, either, though, because that’s when we’ll get the first real blizzard. Just like, if I hang my laundry out to dry it will rain, dead certain. Not that I hang laundry out any more - West End. Steel Plant. ‘Nuff Said.

But Hell froze over, anyway. I stopped blogging. I mean, I had no interest whatsoever. No time. Can’t be bothered. Couldn’t care less. That has never happened before. Even when I ripped the original blog offline and swore I’d never type another post, I circled the option like a vulture until I caved and started over. Blogging has become my entire social existence and I love that existence. But…

Blah.

I’m sleeping, though, finally. It only took one day mashed into a teeny-tiny student desk, mashed in with 29 other teeny-tiny student desks overflowing with 29 other mashed-in students to finally cause my body to just keel over on the couch and sit up over 12 hours later when my cell phone alarm went off, but I slept. And this time, I didn’t wake up with a rodent chewing on my lip.

I woke up, and went back for Day Two of the Mash-In.

Driver’s Ed.

Ugh. A necessary step to The Great Escape, because I let my driver’s license lapse out of fear of driving (crashing) and I want to not be afraid of it anymore. I had the impression that taking a course in driving properly might make me more confident. Ha. I’m learning stuff designed to scare new drivers into being “good” instead of “stupid”, but they’re managing to make me scared shitless again.

I have two more days of the in-class fear fest before I “get” to drive with the instructor. I could have been driving for the past five years, mind you, if I’d had the opportunity and access to a willing certified driver (ummmm…. read “guts” there in place of “opportunity” for a more realistic picture), and gotten the G over four years ago. I wish I’d done that now, but I’ll have to be satisfied shortly that I’ve done it at all (and a possible 80% discount on insurance on the new truck for taking the course rather excites me, too).

All the sitting around is causing me to drop into Dreamland around 10 pm, though. I’m not lying there waiting to fall asleep. I’m not popping awake 8-10 times through the night. I’m not suffering “White Nights” with no sleep at all several times a week. I’m hoping the next three weeks of Weird will just turn the 10 pm thing into an automatic occurance. After that, my schedule will return to a more normal (for me) pace, and I’ll be able to get back to Ruby (damn, I miss Ruby!), and visiting my Dad, who’s still in hospital, but coming along nicely now, and blogging my idiot thoughts as I think them. I miss this too, now that I’m typing all this, so hopefully I’ll manage to steal time from panic sessions of NaNoWriMoing somehow through the rest of the month.

Eeeep. Maybe.

Random Song for the Day: “Death of a Cheerleader” - Marcy Playground

My Kid is a Changeling

Monday, November 5th, 2007

Sunflower 3
“Sunflower 3″
Taken August 28, 2005, with HP PhotoSmart R607

For the
record,
Ky has
never claimed to
be a vampire.
David McMahon wants to know:

Do you have ESP?

Short Answer? Christ, I hope not.

But, my kid seems to have some creepy abilities that make me wonder about “powers” that I don’t like to think about, including nightmares about losing Grampa the night before we got the call that he was taken to hospital recently.

And then there’s the little “TV Repair-by-Mind-Control” trick. Our ancient console television’s picture tube is slowly dying. When the thing is powered on for awhile, the picture squishes itself down, bits at a time, ’til we’re looking at an inch-high strip of colour in the middle of a black screen. For awhile, turning it off for about ten minutes would solve the problem (temporarily), but I knew I was looking at buying a new TV just when I was getting the Visa paid down again, finally. Damn.

Then, the other day, when I was swearing over the non-picture again, Ky said, “Wait for a commercial before you turn it off.”

? ? ?

I reminded her that the picture tube was going. It didn’t matter what was on the screen when we turned it off, the problem was with the parts, not the signal. She replied that that may very well be so, but if I waited for a commercial before turning it off, the picture would be fine the next time I turned the set on, and would stay fine until I was ready to turn it off again.

Now, I know enough about electronics to know that this is not possible. I told her so. She agreed with me, but insisted it worked.

I reminded her that (given her “trouble-shooting” solution were possible) just because this station was running a commercial, the chances that all the stations would be running commercials at the same time was probably nil. And besides, THE PICTURE TUBE IS DYING, DAMN IT. Again, she agreed with me, at the same time insisting that her solution, impossible as it sounds, works.

And it does. It shouldn’t, but it does.

If I turn the TV off in the middle of a program, it will screw up when I want to watch it again later, but as long as I remember to wait for the next commercial before turning it off, even for a minute or two, it behaves perfectly. For hours. No matter how many times I change the channel. Thankfully, the little Mind-Bender does not need to be home/awake for it to work, or I would always be calling her/shaking her and aiming the cell phone/her tired little face at the television.

Somebody please come up with a reasonable explanation for this. If you can’t do so, I’m going to have to let her trouble-shoot the fridge light that won’t light, and the oven element that won’t “element”. I’m reminded (again, creepily) that if not for the miracle of modern medicine, my daughter would have been born in the caul.

clipped from en.wikipedia.org

One popular legend went that a caulbearer would be able to see the future or have dreams that come to pass.

Negative associations with the birth caul are rare, but in several European countries a child being born with a caul was a sign that the child may become a vampire.

  blog it

For the record, Ky has never claimed to be a vampire. But from the ages of 4 through about 8 she insisted her “real” mother was a werewolf. Then she would pat my hand and apologize for hurting my feelings by reminding me that she wasn’t really “mine”.

Maybe she’s a changeling…

Random Song for the Day: “Ol’ 55″ - The Eagles

Feeling a Little Trapped Here…

Sunday, November 4th, 2007

Queen Anne, Exiled - photo
“Queen Anne, Exiled”
Taken July 7, 2006 with HP PhotoSmart R607

I have
to
just sit
here and do
it,
damn it!
My bad habits are haunting me. I just couldn’t wait to start NaNoWriMo… until the start date, that is. Now, I’m restless and can’t seem to concentrate. Hmmm, my coffee cup is empty, excuse me a minute.

The story is there. All I have to do is sit my ass down and write it. Geez, I didn’t eat breakfast, yet. Gimme a minute.

I know exactly what my problem is. It’s because I’m supposed to be writing it, that’s what it is. Now that I’m supposed to be writing it, I can think of a million other things to fritter my time away with. And do.

The Official NaNoWriMo Handbook reminds me that a fairly fast typist can burn through about 2000 words in an hour or so. When I’m up to speed I can type fairly accurately at 80 wpm, assuming I’ve managed to set my fingers on home row and don’t look up to a pageful of gibberish later… So, why am I not doing that?

I have to just sit here and do it, damn it!

Said Handbook also reminds me that many NaNoWriMoers dick around for most of the month and then fly through the last 35,000 words in the remaining 3 or 4 days before the deadline. Me, I don’t know if I’m up to that kind of marathon. I would rather continue to remind myself that I already wrote a novel in three days not so long ago, so thirty days should be a walk in the park, no?

Excuse me again. I’m going to take a walk in the park and see if that helps at all.

Random Song for the Day: “Dare” - The Gorillaz

Clickety-Clack, Clickety-Clack

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007

I think Emma is starting to take over, now. I’m looking forward to the word count reading over 5,000 before I change the clock back an hour tonight.

Oh yeah… don’t forget to change the clock back an hour tonight. That’s my Public Service Announcement for the year.

Random Song for the Day: “Andy, You’re a Star” - The Killers

Breathe.

Friday, November 2nd, 2007

Trickle Down Theory
“Trickle Down Theory”
Taken October 20, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550

I guess
you
don’t hit
on the guy
in the
next bed if
he’s a friend of Grandma.
I’m …. tired. The last couple of weeks have been draining. I didn’t realize how tense things were getting, what with the good things, like gearing up for NaNoWriMo, the bad things, which I will get to in a sec, and the confusing things - mostly just trying to find “my place” at the J.O.B., which is difficult as I was sort of dropped down into the middle of the project, and I feel like I’m just sitting around picking my nose most of the time. I don’t feel very useful there, truthfully.

I’ve outlined a couple of freelance magazine article ideas - another good thing. One, I actually wrote a proposal for, because it’s about an organization that I want to write about, but need “interviews” with staff, and I thought it best to get the blessing of the head honcho. I got an immediate ‘yes’, and I’m excited about the project, which I already have a publication in mind for. And now (Sigh…*), I have to break it down into manageable chunks that can be dealt with on my lunch hour, since I kind of want to be face to face with the people I need to speak with.

My father is getting better. This was one of the “bad” things that I thought I might be jumping ship for, and I didn’t want to post about it, because we didn’t really know how things were going to turn out. He had a stroke, and then a heart attack, interspersed with several gushing nosebleeds just to make it all interesting. Even more interesting, he made friends with an imaginary bug that lives in the ceiling above his bed in the Critical Care Unit. He spent his whole first day there watching it dig a hole in the plaster and run around the curtain rail.

Yesterday, his 87th birthday, they let him out of Critical Care and he’s now in a general ward. A Co-Ed ward. With two “chicks”. He was a little put out with this at first, because he says he has enough trouble with women hitting on him, and he couldn’t see how he’d get any rest with two more hanging around his bed all day… turns out, he and my mom know the grandmother of one of them, so now it’s all good. I guess you don’t hit on the guy in the next bed if he’s a friend of Grandma. Or maybe you do but he doesn’t mind so much - I’ll have to ask.

My novel, now… I’m off to a slow start. Somehow, I’m not worried, though - I’m not sure why I’m not worried, but it may be that my main character, Emma, is very very solid in my mind, and I love her to pieces already.

I’m having trouble getting to the “getting it down part”, though, and that’s entirely because too many of the new things are still too new, and damn it, there’s too many of them. I want to go back to the more laid-back schedule of school and Ruby, J.O.B. and Ruby, Mom and Dad and Ruby, and rum on the weekends. Routine, please. The writing is more likely to happen then.

I won’t be going back to that routine anymore now, though, because I’ve gone and changed things and started a few things up that are designed to force me out of this place and into the Great Unknown, which, in my case is anything beyond 50 miles of here.

What, me - scared?! Pah!

Yes. Shitless.

I find the picture at the top of this post very calming. It reminds me to breathe, and to learn to take things as they come and actually do something with them. I’m learning how to recognize opportunities and yes, create some that weren’t there before, and Ta-DA! A life away from here is now “seeable”. The last thing I want to do right now is what I’ve been doing my whole life: hide from the things I want, and make up reasons to let them float by. I can’t dive at them though, either, because I’m likely to get myself run over. They are bigger than me.

I’m growing into them though… ;-)

Random Song for the Day: “Aerodynamic” - Daft Punk