The Chamber Pot
The 1998 Version of My Aunt Blanche…
No, really, let’s compare, shall we? If only to piss off my daughter – who tells me she’ll kill me if I post this, but then laughs out loud when she looks at this photo of herself, so I think I’m all good…
Tell me that’s not eerie…
Blanche, at
least,
had already
gone to bed…
which was
the reason the
mortifying-
ness was imminent
to begin with.Yes, kids, it’s time for another Aunt Blanche story…
My mother was absolutely mortified when this happened, but laughs herself silly every time she tells it, now. I have a pretty good idea, though, that it was many, many, and more many years after it happened before she could even begin to eke out a snicker when she thought of it.
She was at a very sensitive time in life, then – only a little older than Ky is now, a young teenager, and it doesn’t take much to mortify a teen-aged girl (just ask Ky’s mother – who will grin an evil grin, because I’m, well, evil.).
This would probably have been just before WWII… or just after it began… and my mother was, for the very first time, being “seen home” by a young man. It wasn’t my father (to which revelation I always gasp loudly when Mom gets to this point, just because it’s funny to hear my School-Marm mother say, “Hey, I’ve been around, you know!”), but another young man in the village.
My mom was a looker, and apparently, several young men were sweet on her back then. By her own admission, however (and my father’s absolute insistence, as well, I might add), it was Dad that my mother was really only ever “sweet on”. Maybe she was trying to make him jealous, although she says not.
In the end, though, she got him, didn’t she? I’m still trying to get that story out of her, but so far, she won’t say how. Nor would he, dammit.
So, back to the subject, my mother was seen home by some young fella whose name I can’t remember and I don’t suppose it matters much now, but on with it, already. Mother invited him into the front room, probably because that’s where the rest of her family wasn’t, and it was fairly late. Blanche, at least, had already gone to bed… which was the reason the mortifying-ness was imminent to begin with.
Had my mother known what was coming, I’m sure she’d have forced the young man to woo her on the back step in the freezing cold, rather than go through the next fifteen minutes of hell… He might have rather frozen, as well, considering how… ummm… awkward those fifteen minutes must have been for him.
It was winter, and, rather than bank the fire in the front room wood stove, Grampa had thoughtfully added a few more chunks of wood on so that my mother and her “fella” would be comfortable. The rest of the family, those awake, anyhow, were pointedly absent of the room, most likely parked in the kitchen near the big old cook stove.
Alone, the conversation was a little stilted. I’m sure you all out there remember what it’s like to keep a conversation going when your thoughts are running a million miles an hour to the How will the evening end?, and the Should I kiss her/Will he kiss me?, or When should I kiss her/When will he kiss me?…
They tried to make small talk: How’s the cattle? Got your hay in okay last fall? Hope it thaws in time to get the potatoes in…
And then, above their heads, came a sound.
Bed springs.
Startled, the young man looked up. My mother giggled a little and told him that the girls’ bedroom was overhead, and that it sounded as if Blanche had gone to bed… The young man settled down again, and the small talk continued…
And then there was more noise from overhead: the bed springs again, followed by the sound of a pair of feet hitting the board floor above.
And my mother thought, “No… No, no, no, no, NO!”
There was only one thing she could think of that would cause Blanche to get up out of bed at that late hour. She prayed she was wrong… because it was winter, and cold outside, and if my mother was right about the why Blanche was getting out of bed, it followed that Blanche was about to ensure that both Mom and her suitor were about to experience the longest, most awkward moment they had ever experienced.
There was a cough from overhead, and the bedsprings let go in a manner that told them Blanche was most definitely out of bed, now… a couple of footsteps… followed by the unmistakable sound of a tin chamber pot being dragged out from under the bed, across the bare floorboards.
Mom cringed, and imagined her young man was probably doing the same. She didn’t dare look at him.
And then it came. That sound.
And it went on…. and on…. and on…. and on…. and on.
And on…. and on…. and on…. and on….and on…. and on…. and on…. and on….
Every time I hear this story, I picture Mike Meyers as Austin Powers, just after he was unfrozen in the cryogenic lab… Except, of course, Blanche didn’t pause. She just went on… and on… and on….
After it was all over and done with, the chamber pot was slid back under the bed, the bedsprings sprung one more time, and my mother was ensured completely of never being seen home by this particular young man again.
They were quiet for awhile, neither wanting to speak first. What to say after that, after all? Finally, though, the young gentleman spoke.
“Well. I imagine she feels a lot better, now…”
Now, that would have caused me to laugh, and all would have been well… but my mother died a little inside at that comment. She says that every time she saw that particular fella again after that night, all she could think of was the sound of that chamber pot being pulled out from under the bed.
It’s really too bad that Mom had to live through that uncomfortable little space of time, but in the long run, I’m very grateful she did. Otherwise, she may very well have gone on to a second date with that young fella, and married him, rather than my father.
And 67 or so years later, I would be hard put to come up with a blog post for today.
Random Song-for-the-Day: “Low Light” – Pearl Jam
This entry was posted
on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 10:01 pm and is filed under Aunt Blanche.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Stumble This Post!
September 30th, 2008 at 2:38 am
LOLOL! Great story! I was making my own Austin Powers reference even before I got to yours. It’s a theme around here. Both of those photos are adorable, and they certainly do look like they’re related!
Les Says: I swear, Ky looked like she could have been Blanche’s twin sister when she (Ky) was really little…
September 30th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
The resemblance is definitely there.
I’m embarrassed to admit I thought the springs were going to start squeaking in a, uh, how you say, rhythm. If you know what I mean.
Bad Cardiogirl. Bad.
p.s. Where’s the waitress post?
Les Says: “Rythmic bedsprings” from BLANCHE?! Oh, CardioGirl, for shame!
The Waitress – Part I is HERE.
October 1st, 2008 at 5:48 pm
So funny, made more so by the fact that I’ve used those before! Only, down south, they were more commonly known as “slop jars”! Sure beat the cold, dark, path to the outhouse though!
Les Says: Agreed… and WHY are outhouses, always down at the bottom of a slippery downhill path?!
I HATED chamber pots – in the case of my chamber pot history, though, it was always a plastic pail – and would sneak out of the house and just creep around the corner rather than use one.
October 16th, 2011 at 5:20 am
Nice blog here! Also your site loads up very fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my < site loaded up as quickly as yours lol
October 21st, 2011 at 10:55 am
???????…
[...]Where the Walls are Soft… » Blog Archive » The Chamber Pot[...]…
May 22nd, 2012 at 11:26 pm
I have observed that of all sorts of insurance, health care insurance is the most controversial because of the conflict between the insurance coverage company’s duty to remain adrift and the consumer’s need to have insurance coverage. Insurance companies’ commission rates on well being plans are extremely low, thus some corporations struggle to make money. Thanks for the suggestions you share through this website.
May 29th, 2012 at 12:20 am
Only wanna remark on few general things, The website layout is perfect, the subject material is really great : D.
May 31st, 2012 at 8:46 pm
I just want to tell you that I am just newbie to blogging and site-building and seriously loved this web-site. Almost certainly I’m going to bookmark your blog . You certainly come with amazing well written articles. Kudos for revealing your webpage.
June 8th, 2012 at 9:36 pm
of course like your website but you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the reality on the other hand I’ll definitely come again again.
June 11th, 2012 at 7:43 am
Its like you learn my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much about this, such as you wrote the e book in it or something. I feel that you simply could do with some p.c. to drive the message house a bit, however other than that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.
June 12th, 2012 at 7:14 am
Hey very cool web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds also…I am happy to seek out so many helpful info right here within the publish, we need work out more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing.
June 12th, 2012 at 11:39 am
F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a mail?
June 12th, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Heya i’m for the primary time here. I came across this board and I to find It really helpful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to give something again and help others like you helped me.
June 14th, 2012 at 6:35 pm
I’d must speak with you here. Which is not some thing I do! I spend time reading an article that could get folks to feel. Also, appreciate your permitting me to comment!
June 15th, 2012 at 9:03 am
Nice weblog here! Also your web site loads up fast! What web host are you the use of? Can I get your affiliate link on your host? I desire my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol
June 15th, 2012 at 11:53 pm
Pretty nice post. I merely stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve truly enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write once far more extremely soon!
June 16th, 2012 at 6:44 pm
While you are any of the lucky enough choices, it comes evidently, although capture the fancy of the specific coveted by ly folks other beneficial you you meet may possibly possibly well have hard times this certain issue. pre owned awnings
June 16th, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would really benefit from some of the information you present here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thanks!
June 16th, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this website. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched all over the place and simply couldn’t come across. What a great site.
June 18th, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I would like to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all seem to get one thing done.
June 18th, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Have you ever thought about writing an ebook or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would value your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.
June 18th, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Wow! This could be one particular of the most beneficial blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Fantastic. I’m also an expert in this topic so I can understand your effort.
June 19th, 2012 at 9:58 am
Hi there, I discovered your website by the use of Google while looking for a related topic, your site got here up, it looks good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
June 19th, 2012 at 11:19 am
Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research about this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I’m very glad to see such excellent info being shared freely out there.
June 20th, 2012 at 6:49 am
I like what you guys are up also. Such intelligent work and reporting! Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my site
.
June 20th, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful info specifically the last part
I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.
June 20th, 2012 at 6:56 pm
certainly like your website however you need to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to tell the truth however I will certainly come again again.
June 21st, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the net the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks
June 23rd, 2012 at 7:32 am
Regards for this fantastic post, I am glad I observed this website on yahoo.
June 24th, 2012 at 7:39 am
Thanks for discussing your ideas right here. The other factor is that every time a problem appears with a personal computer motherboard, people should not take the risk connected with repairing that themselves because if it is not done right it can lead to irreparable damage to the entire laptop. It is almost always safe to approach your dealer of your laptop for the repair of the motherboard. They’ve got technicians who’ve an skills in dealing with notebook computer motherboard difficulties and can carry out the right diagnosis and undertake repairs.
June 25th, 2012 at 6:45 am
I have taken notice that in digital camera models, unique detectors help to aim automatically. Those kind of sensors of some cams change in contrast, while others work with a beam involving infra-red (IR) light, especially in low lumination. Higher specs cameras from time to time use a blend of both models and probably have Face Priority AF where the camera can ‘See’ some sort of face while keeping focused only on that. Thanks for sharing your notions on this web site.
June 25th, 2012 at 10:17 am
I’ve recently started a website, the information you provide on this website has helped me tremendously. Thanks for all of your time & work.
June 25th, 2012 at 10:44 am
Nice post. I be taught something tougher on different blogs everyday. It’s going to always be stimulating to learn content material from other writers and apply somewhat something from their store. I’d choose to make use of some with the content material on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a link on your internet blog. Thanks for sharing.
June 26th, 2012 at 5:25 am
Hey There. I discovered your weblog the use of msn. That is a really neatly written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra of your useful info. Thank you for the post. I will definitely return.
June 26th, 2012 at 7:16 am
whoah this blog is excellent i love reading your articles. Keep up the great work! You know, many people are hunting around for this information, you could help them greatly.
June 26th, 2012 at 7:47 am
Thanks for the tips you have provided here. Moreover, I believe usually there are some factors that really keep your car insurance policy premium straight down. One is, to take into account buying cars and trucks that are inside the good listing of car insurance firms. Cars which can be expensive will be more at risk of being stolen. Aside from that insurance policies are also good value of your vehicle, so the higher priced it is, then higher your premium you only pay.
June 27th, 2012 at 7:45 am
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your weblog. You have some really good articles and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please shoot me an e-mail if interested. Thanks!
June 27th, 2012 at 9:53 am
I am glad to be one of many visitants on this outstanding site (:, thank you for posting.
June 28th, 2012 at 12:51 pm
What’s Going down i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It positively useful and it has aided me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & assist other customers like its aided me. Great job.
June 29th, 2012 at 6:43 am
I cherished as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish. nevertheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you want be handing over the following. ill surely come more beforehand again since precisely the similar just about a lot frequently inside of case you shield this increase.
July 1st, 2012 at 3:58 pm
It?¦s actually a great and useful piece of information. I?¦m satisfied that you just shared this useful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
July 7th, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Superior Master, how much of an intriguing history. Only hada web log I’d literally come up with matching details. Should you prefer a payday advance kindly visit
July 9th, 2012 at 7:15 pm
There are definitely a number of particulars like that to take into consideration. That is a nice level to carry up. I offer the thoughts above as common inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you convey up where crucial factor might be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged round things like that, however I’m sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls really feel the impression of just a second’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.
July 11th, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Hi there to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this web page, and your views are fastidious in support of new visitors.t00wiqp…
July 12th, 2012 at 10:29 am
Simply wanna input that you have a very decent internet site , I the style it actually stands out.
July 14th, 2012 at 5:21 pm
I enjoy your writing style truly enjoying this internet site .
July 17th, 2012 at 3:06 am
hello there and thank you on your information – I have certainly picked up something new from right here. I did alternatively expertise a few technical issues the usage of this web site, as I skilled to reload the site lots of times prior to I could get it to load properly. I have been wondering in case your hosting is OK? No longer that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances instances will very frequently have an effect on your placement in google and can harm your high-quality score if advertising and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I’m including this RSS to my email and could glance out for a lot extra of your respective fascinating content. Ensure that you update this again soon..
July 21st, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea
July 25th, 2012 at 7:20 am
Howdy. I am very happy I found this webpage, I really discovered you by mistake, whilst I’d been searching Google for another thing, Anyway I am here now and would just like to thank you so much for the excellent weblog posting as well as a all round useful web web-site (I additionally like the theme/design). I have bookmarked it and also subscribed to the RSS feeds. My best regards, Krysten.
July 26th, 2012 at 6:42 am
I have recently started a web site, the info you provide on this web site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.
July 30th, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I wish to convey my passion for your generosity in support of persons who really need assistance with that field. Your very own dedication to getting the solution around was exceedingly insightful and have usually allowed ladies like me to attain their pursuits. Your warm and friendly help and advice can mean a great deal to me and especially to my peers. Regards; from each one of us.
July 30th, 2012 at 1:51 pm
You made some first rate factors there. I seemed on the internet for the difficulty and found most individuals will associate with with your website.
July 31st, 2012 at 5:16 am
I am usually to running a blog and i really appreciate your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I’m going to bookmark your website and preserve checking for brand spanking new information.
August 3rd, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Thank you for the good writeup. It if truth be told was once a leisure account it. Glance complicated to more brought agreeable from you! However, how could we keep up a correspondence?
August 4th, 2012 at 12:31 am
Thanks for the good writeup. It in reality used to be a entertainment account it. Glance complicated to more added agreeable from you! However, how could we keep up a correspondence?
August 5th, 2012 at 11:58 am
Not long ago i Visit your Blog site and study regarding zits matter.therefore fascinating Weblog oughout have, thanks for expressing.it is certainly great to read your site.i favor This information.Expensive You are actually write good bloger.i am use this Items..I’ll useful blog on my small book mark that i’m hold forward to find out about your sites connected just about any subject areas.using this program . notify my friends to talk to your weblog and get some fascinating info and find out.Many thanks for spectacular details.
August 7th, 2012 at 2:56 am
You can certainly see your enthusiasm within the work you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart. “The only way most people recognize their limits is by trespassing on them.” by Tom Morris.
August 9th, 2012 at 7:24 am
But a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great style. “Competition is a painful thing, but it produces great results.” by Jerry Flint.
August 12th, 2012 at 9:26 am
I love reading a post that will make men and women think. Also, thank you for allowing me to comment!
August 21st, 2012 at 10:18 pm
I am forever thought about this, thankyou for posting.
August 22nd, 2012 at 4:04 am
Excellent read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch! “Feeling passionate about something is like getting a peak at your soul smiling back at you.” by Amanda Medinger.
August 24th, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I think this internet site has some real good information for everyone. “Variety is the soul of pleasure.” by Aphra Behn.
August 25th, 2012 at 4:35 am
\*==========================================================================*/
August 27th, 2012 at 8:31 am
Wir bieten Ihnen Lastabwurfsysteme und Messwerterfassungen.
August 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will certainly comeback.
September 15th, 2012 at 2:21 am
Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful info particularly the last part
I care for such info much. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.
September 23rd, 2012 at 4:39 am
I have been checking out many of your articles and i can claim pretty good stuff. I will definitely bookmark your blog.
September 26th, 2012 at 4:19 pm
I must express appreciation to the writer for bailing me out of this matter. Because of looking out throughout the the net and obtaining principles which are not beneficial
September 29th, 2012 at 7:29 am
. Hello my friend! I wish to say that this post is amazing, nice written and include approximately all vital infos. I would like to see more posts like this .
September 30th, 2012 at 7:34 am
I’ll right away snatch your rss feed as I can not in finding your e-mail subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly permit me know in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.
October 2nd, 2012 at 5:59 am
Some truly prime content on this internet site, saved to favorites.
October 6th, 2012 at 6:59 am
You’ve got the best web sites.|
October 6th, 2012 at 11:50 pm
of course like your web site but you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I will definitely come back again.
October 8th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Amazing! Its in fact awesome piece of writing, I have got much clear idea about from this article.
October 12th, 2012 at 2:37 am
You really make it appear so easy together with your presentation however I to find this topic to be really something which I believe I would never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and extremely huge for me. I’m taking a look ahead in your subsequent submit, I?ll try to get the grasp of it!
October 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am
Hola! I just discovered your internet site: Where the Walls are Soft… » Blog Archive » The Chamber Pot when I was browsing delicious.com. It looks as though someone liked your site so much they decided to bookmark it. I’ll unquestionably be coming back here more often.
October 23rd, 2012 at 2:54 am
Thanks for discussing your ideas. Another thing is that scholars have an alternative between federal student loan and a private education loan where it is easier to go for student loan consolidating debts than over the federal student loan.
November 6th, 2012 at 10:35 pm
I truly wanted to jot down a quick remark to express gratitude to you for those amazing advice you are placing on this site. My time consuming internet search has at the end of the day been honored with high-quality ideas to share with my partners. I would assume that we visitors are very much endowed to be in a decent community with very many special professionals with insightful techniques. I feel truly grateful to have used your web site and look forward to plenty of more fun moments reading here. Thank you again for a lot of things.
November 7th, 2012 at 7:44 pm
I love looking through an article that can make people think. Also, many thanks for allowing for me to comment!
November 7th, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Hello there, I discovered your site via Google at the same time as searching for a similar subject, your website came up, it appears good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
November 12th, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I would advertise this to the whole world if I were you. This is wicked. I will let my friends know.
November 13th, 2012 at 4:19 am
Hi it’s me Fiona, I am also visiting this web page on a regular basis, this site is actually fastidious and the users are actually sharing pleasant thoughts.
November 27th, 2012 at 5:55 am
You need to be a part of a contest for one of the most useful websites on the net.
I most certainly will highly recommend this web site!
November 28th, 2012 at 9:34 am
Please your eye and plague your heart. – Spanish Proverb
December 19th, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I keep listening to the rumor speak about receiving boundless online grant applications so I have been looking around for the top site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i acquire some?
December 26th, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Thanks for the good writeup. It in fact was a enjoyment account it. Glance complicated to far added agreeable from you! However, how can we keep up a correspondence?