Where the Walls are Soft…

Friday, November 9th, 2007; Sometime in the Late PM:

Remember a bzillion years ago Internet Time, when the latest, greatest, groovy-cool thing to do was come up with 100 Things about yourself that other people might not know? I tried to manage it, you know, cuz I was still trying to “fit in” and all, during a previous lifetime when Where the Walls are Soft was shiny, bright and new and meant something else entirely.

I think I got to 42 Things before I gave up. That suited me anyway, on account of “42″ being THE Answer, after all.

Then, fairly recently, even in Internet Time, where second and even third lives are lived, I met Cardiogirl. Unlike the other very special members of my Blog-Family I’ve met since May of 2005, who slowly grew into their specialness to me, with Cardiogirl there was an immediate “click”. We are just supposed to know each other. Don’t have a clue why, nor do I care. She is already Blog-Family. It just is.

That’s not the kind of thing I would ever have expected online. It only ever happened in “real” life once.

She’s someone I feel able to say anything to, without having to self-edit. She just “gets” whatever I’m trying to say, somehow. That’s a good thing for me. It’s a weird thing, but that’s probably good, too.

Cardiogirl’s “100 Facts” are very black and white compared to mine, so I thought it would be fun to do a public comparison. When I emailed her to ask her permission to do this (I knew she’d say yes, but being Blog-Family doesn’t negate the need for the etiquette of a request before stealing shit off other people’s blogs, either - how’s that for “eloquent”, Cardiogirl? ), I told her I thought she might have ‘yin-ed’ my ‘yang’.

After hitting the send button, it occurred to me that anybody else might have taken that particular choice of phrase… ummm… in a “different” context. She came back with, ‘ When you wrote “I think you might have ‘yin-ed’ my ‘yang’!” I read it in the same cadence as “You sunk my battleship!” ‘

Yup. She’s Blog-Family. CLICK.

100 FACTS ABOUT CARDIOGIRL (VS. 100 THINGS ABOUT LES)

1. I am the youngest of six.

I could say I’m the youngest of six, if I counted the Imaginary Brother that Un-Brother invented. The Imaginary Brother That Died in the Fire. Un-Brother was trying to embarrass a new girlfriend that he’d brought home to meet the family, and she gave her deepest condolences to my dad at the dinner table in front of everybody. Of course, we all laughed. We never saw her again.

2. I have four sisters and one brother.

Two of each, unless you count The Brother That Died in the Fire.

3. All of them are no more than two and a half years apart in age.

Two years, three years, four years, and then me - six years after my mother breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t have to go through toilet training ever again. My sisters call me the “Surprise Baby”, My Brother The Trespasser calls me “The Accident”. Un-Brother tells people they found me in a ditch and felt sorry for me.

4. There are five years and three months between me and my closest sister. My mom had a miscarriage between us.

I think my mother might have wished she’d miscarried some of us at various points in our lives….

5. I’ve wondered about that missing kid on and off throughout my life - if it was a girl or a boy and if we would have been close as siblings.

Because of the age differences (15 years between me and Un-Brother, after all) most of my childhood was lived as if I were an only child. Weird. When the rest of them were all living at home, I still spent a lot of time alone while they were out doing “big kid” stuff. I invented an Imaginary Sister, just a little older. Her name was Sally, and she lived in the linen closet. She was Very Real. She was so.

6. I hated high school. Really hated it and was extremely happy the day I graduated.

I hated high school. Really hated it and was extremely happy the day I graduated.

7. I hold grudges. Very tight. I still can’t stand a guy named P@ul Murphy because he was mean to me at the bus stop in middle school. I actively hated him during high school because he was a prick.

I have recently made some people non-existent. My world is a better place now.

8. At our high school graduation he somehow fell out of his folding chair and I felt like karma smacked him in the ass — right where he deserved it.

If I could make that happen, and have my camera handy, it might be worth letting some people re-exist for a couple of minutes.

9. I have a bachelor of arts degree in Journalism from Michigan State University.

I was supposed to have a bachelor of arts degree in Journalism from Ryerson University, in Toronto. Instead, I eloped.

10. I really loved college. It felt like a chance to start all over again except no one had any preconceived notion of me.

I spent college, at 26, wondering how long I could afford to go to college. Not very long, as it turned out. Teach me to elope.

11. I had two roommates my freshman year. One really hated me and the other one became my best friend.

I once shared a house with someone who was one of my best friends for over 7 years. Within a year of moving in together, we hated each other.

12. I did not know the one roommate hated my guts until the middle of winter term. Then she was out with it and did not hide her feelings from me.

*I* knew. No question.

13. She wasn’t very specific on why she hated me so much. I think it was one of those things where you either like someone or you don’t. And she obviously didn’t like me at all. Bitch.

She was very specific. Over and over and over and over and over…. Bitch.

14. I lived on campus for three years and my last year I rented an apartment with three other girls.

I once shared an apartment with three other girls. I don’t remember much of it, except that it took me two years to finally get the phone bill paid down.

15. I cried when I graduated. I didn’t want college to end.

I cried when I had to quit college. I felt like the failure my mother thought I was.

16. After that I took a job in Indiana as a reporter for roughly three days. I actually had an apartment and a bank account. I hated the town and what I assessed of it.

Thinking I might have hated being a Journalist makes me feel a little better about not being a Journalist.

17. The editor was really angry at me when I walked in on the third day and announced I was quitting.

I tried to quit my J.O.B. with Louie. Once. Loudly.

18. I am really afraid of conflict. But the day I quit that paper in Wabash, Indiana I had made my mind up and there was nothing that man could say to shame me into staying.

I am really afraid of conflict. But the day I quit The Store Formerly Known as Stereo Hut, Louie suckered me into un-quitting. Bastard.

19. While I was in Wabash I met a guy who looked like he was about 25. He was at a park with his family having a picnic. His mother explained to me that he didn’t have a driver’s license because he was hell on wheels on his banana seat bike and she wasn’t about to let him drive a car.

I knew a guy like that once. Except he was 36. I think it was a banana seat, though…

20. His name was Leonard and he seemed okay with the fact that his mom wasn’t letting him get a license. He was impressed that I had a driver’s license and a job.

He was an “uncomfortable-feeling” kind of impressed with me.

21. He had a paper route.

He had a paper route… but he was 36.

22. He followed me to my apartment on his bike the day I met him so he knew where I lived. Over the next two days he proceeded to leave me numerous notes jammed in between the screen door and the front door of my apartment.

He started out as a friend and turned into a stalker when I wouldn’t “date” him.

23. This completely freaked me out and contributed to approximately 85% of my decision to leave the state of Indiana.

This completely freaked me out and contributed to approximately 85% of my decision to go back to The Turkey’s dad.

24. When I left Indiana, I was extremely happy to see the welcome sign at the border of Indiana and Michigan.

When I leave Sault Ste. Marie, I will be extremely happy to see the welcome sign at the border of Canada and the US.

25. I worked in some dead-end jobs until I was 24. Then I worked for eight years at a mortgage company in the Marketing Department.

I worked in some dead-end jobs until about a year and a half ago. Now, I have a plan.

26. I had voicemail, e-mail and business cards and thought I was hot shit.

I have voicemail, e-mail and business cards, and I can’t get my house cleaned.

27. I bought my first car when I was 25. It was a white Plymouth Duster.

I have never owned a car. But my truck is less than a year away, now.

28. I didn’t really date until after I graduated from college. I had a lot of bad blind dates and decided I was probably never going to get married.

I’ve never really dated.

29. I met my husband when I was taking the trash out of my apartment. I hadn’t taken a shower in two days.

I met The Turkey’s dad (who was more a husband than the guy I eloped with) shortly after my divorce, when I registered for guitar lessons. He taught me in a Pakistani accent. He’s Dutch. I think I fell in laugh in about 5 minutes.

30. We talked for about twenty minutes the first time we met and I checked out his left ring finger to see if he was married.

We had lessons for about six months. During the first lesson, I checked out his left ring finger to see if he was married.

31. He was single.

The fact that he wore his wedding band on a chain around his neck didn’t make him any less married.

32. He moved into the apartment next to mine and up one floor the next week.

Let’s just say Les was a bad, bad girl and I have only recently come to believe that now Karma has finally paid me back for my part in that unfairness.

33. We dated for about seven months and then got engaged. We were married eight months later.

We discussed marriage, but I always ended up backing away from the idea. We ended up buying rings, changing my name, and calling ourselves married so my mother would stop looking at us like she kept looking at us.

34. We never had a fight before we were married.

Of the nearly 14 years we were together (even including the 1 year we were apart when The Stalker showed up), we spent the years between 1997 and 2002 in a fairly constant state of Wedded Bliss. Before and since, though is/was absolute hell. For both of us.

35. We had our first fight during our honeymoon on a boat headed toward Martha’s Vineyard. I don’t remember what the fight was about.

We had our first fight before we were even “together” and we had the same freaking fight over and over again. For years. Brrrrr…

36. We made up before we flew home.

We made up for reasons as unknown as the fighting.

37. My husband is a first born. I am a last born (but if you were paying attention you remembered that from number one.) According to the “birth order” people this is the best coupling for a marriage.

The Pseudo Husband is a first born. I am a last born. The “birth order” people made that up.

38. We were married almost six years before we had our first daughter.

We played house for close to seven years before The Turkey showed up.

39. We were going to start trying to have children in 1997 but I had thyroid cancer instead.

We had never planned on trying until we suddenly had a bright idea and no money to back it up.

40. Having cancer messed me up big time, emotionally speaking.

Wondering if I have cancer messed me up big time, emotionally speaking.

41. I have mostly come to terms with that, but I still get extremely freaked out waiting for test results.

I have mostly decided to ignore it all together, as a self-defense mechanism of sorts, and it still remains to be seen if I’ll get extremely freaked out when the testing starts all over again.

42. We have three daughters.

I have one daughter, but my daughter has three sisters and a brother. And two nephews and a niece. I will be forever grateful that I only had to toilet train The Turkey.

43. We both have no desire to have a son.

I have no desire to have an “anything” more.

44. We have been married 12.5 years.

I was married for 18 months, and it felt like 20 years.

45. When I write stuff in Microsoft Word I like to make the text different colors - mostly shades of pink, slate blue, sage green and purple.

When I write stuff in Microsoft Word, I like to make the text black, thank you.

46. I do not like typing with black text on the screen.

I only like typing with black text on the screen.

47. As a child I had very blonde hair until I was about 16.

As a child I had very blonde hair until my first “real” hair cut at 8.

48. From 16 until my mid-20s my hair was light brown with natural blonde highlights.

From 8 to my early 20s my hair was light brown that pretended to be “blondish” if I grew it long enough.

49. Currently my hair is mousey brown and I don’t like the color.

Currently my hair is as close to the blonde that I remember as I can manufacture it.

50. I am afraid to dye my hair and have never done it.

I dye my hair blonde to warn people. It’s only fair.

51. Until I was about 35, my mental image of my hair color was blonde. Every time I looked in the mirror I was shocked to see that my hair was really brown, no longer blonde.

I’m 41, and my mental image of my hair colour has always been blonde. Every time I look in the mirror I am shocked to discover, however, that I’m not 17, which is as old as I’ve ever managed to feel (except on those days when the mirror convinces me that I might really be 80).

52. I have accepted the fact that I have brown hair.

I haven’t even managed to accept that I’m not 17. I refuse to refer to it as “a fact”. There is an error some where. Shut up, there is so.

53. I just wish it was a nice chestnut brown.

I wish I could have my face erased. Well, just the wrinkly parts that make me look 80 instead of 17.

54. I like to wear a bright shade of fuchsia lipstick.

I hate lipstick, but I’m addicted to lip balm with an SPF somewhere in the 90s.

55. I love wearing Converse low tops and my husband and kids usually get me a new pair for Mother’s Day.

I love wearing black shoes or boots in the style we used to refer to as “Peter Pan Getaways”.

56. I don’t like milk. I can drink it with cake or cookies and I will eat it with cereal. But I could never sit down and drink a glass of milk on its own or with dinner. Yuck.

I love milk, but don’t drink enough of it. Cuz I’m an idiot and I need a nanny.

57. I love coffee. I use a lot of cream. Approximately 25% of my coffee is made up of cream.

I love coffee. Black. Sugar ruins a cup of coffee, which means I’m about as sweet as I’ll ever get, which isn’t really saying all that much.

58. We purchase half gallon containers of cream at Costco. Four or five each time we go.

I purchase no cream, and therefore have never been in a Costco store. That, and we have no Costco store here.

59. We go to Costco every three to four weeks.

I have never been in a Costco store. On account of we have no Costco store here.

60. When I go to McDonald’s to get a medium coffee I ask for eight (8) coffee creamers. Yes, that’s right. I own it. I like cream in my coffee.

When I go anywhere, I purchase the largest coffee sold in the joint. That way, innocent people get to live another day.

61. I don’t like the food at McDonald’s. I prefer Wendy’s or Burger King.

I will eat anything, anywhere, as long as I don’t need to cook. Bring on the take-out, the junk food, the microwavable rubber chicken. WHERE’S MY NANNY?!

62. I started drinking diet pop when I was 23.

I started drinking diet pop when I was 36 and tasted my first Cuba Libre.

63. I was a Diet Pepsi girl until about five years ago.

I was a Regular Pepsi girl until I tasted my first Cuba Libre.

64. That’s when I decided it was silly to have a preference between Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke.

That’s when I decided Diet Coke tasted decent as long as it contained a lot of dark rum.

65. I don’t like to drink regular pop (yes pop, not soda) because it tastes too sugary and I’d rather have those calories in the form of chocolate.

I don’t like to drink regular pop (yes pop, not soda) or diet pop, unless it contains a lot of dark rum. Chocolate is a food group.

66. Now I drink whatever diet pop is on sale.

Now I drink diet pop whenever I have rum.

67. I don’t drink alcohol. I drank enough in college.

I don’t always drink alcohol, but I complain a lot on my blog when I don’t.

68. Now if I have a drink it puts me to sleep.

Now if I have a drink, I generally follow it with a second one. I only do this at home. It’s one thing to be a semi-drunkard. It’s another to be one in public.

69. I never thought I would have children.

I never thought I would have The Turkey, either.

70. In college I always said I wanted a hysterectomy for Christmas.

In college I always said I wanted a second semester after Christmas.

71. I don’t like seafood. At all.

I could live on seafood. If I had that Nanny to cook it for me.

72. I bought and ate one fish stick two years ago because my oldest daughter wanted to try them.

There is no such thing as “one fish stick”.

73. I tried to act like I wasn’t completely disgusted because if my daughter liked them I didn’t want my reaction to change her mind. She hated them and we threw the rest of the box away.

I once agreed to share the fish sticks, but wrestled them away from The Turkey and ate them all myself. I don’t feel guilty. Fish sticks are bad for children.

74. I never thought I would quit my job to stay at home with my children.

I did that on purpose. I don’t regret it. I did go insane though.

75. When I had our first daughter the decision to quit my job was very easy.

Yup.

76. I am nervous about going back to work.

I was nervous when the career change and The Great Escape became viable. Now I’m just excited.

77. I won’t go back to work until our youngest is in first grade.

I didn’t have that option, but I think that’s good. The time flies faster than the speed of light.

78. I had all three daughters with no pain medication because I was afraid of having a needle placed in my spine for an epidural.

No time for meds, Dr. Jones! And it was a good experience, without them. We’re built to deal with that if we go about it calmly, I think.

79. It hurt but as I was in labor it became a contest between my mind and my body. I wondered if I could actually do it.

I always described it as “the pain was very far away.” But I also wondered if I could actually do it.

80. I now have hemorrhoids.

As a future Canuckian-Traveling-in-the-States, I feel I have the right to plead the Fifth on this one.

81. Kellogg’s All Bran Yogurt Bites helps with that problem.

I’ll let you know. Maybe.

82. I like to workout at the YMCA.

I like the idea of someday getting back into working out like I used to.

83. I usually do cardio three days a week and lift weights three days a week.

Ummm. At one time I could have said that.

84. I am having difficulty getting back into the swing of things.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in the swing of things. Especially Wednesdays. Wednesdays don’t swing, ever, they just always sit there like a big lump of cat snatz in the middle of a perfectly good week.

85. I still have about 15 pounds left to lose.

I still have about 15 pounds left to gain.

86. I would like to lose those pounds before summer. This year.

I have almost decided that’s never going to happen. Sigh…*

87. I try to be careful not to talk about dieting in front of my daughters. I don’t want them to have body image issues, like I do.

I don’t have body issues, my kid seems to be pretty level-headed about the “image” thing. Knock wood.

88. My favorite color is purple.

My favourite colour (check it out, Cardiogirl - two Canuckian spellings! In a row!) is yellow, but I discovered in high school that if I wear it, I look jaundiced. I wore purple shirts and sweaters though, under the standard 80s uniform of jeans, jean jacket and Nikes. Now, I wear only four “non-colours”, so I don’t have to think when I get dressed. A Fashionista, I will never be.

89. I love making lists.

See?! CLICK.

90. I have run two 5Ks.

I wish.

91. I still sort of want to run a half marathon, but when I was into running (about two years ago) I had some issues with black toenails.

Ummmm… I very suddenly no longer have a wish to run. At all.

92. I have lost at least five or six toenails in my life due to running (and presumably ill-fitting running shoes).

Yeah. Running shoes did my feet in, too. In crookedness.

93. Once I lost the big toenail. That really freaked me out. But it did grow back.

I once slammed my big toe in the WINDOW section of the car door. No, get that dirty thought out of your head, it was a freak accident.

94. Just last year I reconciled my long-standing issue with my feet and toenails. I painted my toenails all summer long and actually wore sandals.

I am reconciled with my ugly feet, but not to the point that I will draw any attention to them.

95. That would be the first time I bared my feet to the public (and my husband) in all of my life.

There are few people I would allow to see my naked feet.

96. I always check out other people’s toenails when I see someone wearing sandals. Usually I am disgusted.

There are few people whose naked feet I would be comfortable seeing.

97. I classify people’s toes as “sandal toes” or “non-sandal toes.” I think I am somewhere in between, hopefully skewing more toward “sandal toes”.

There are few people whose naked feet I would be comfortable seeing enough of to classify their toes.

98. My kids don’t know I have issues with my toes and other people’s toes. I’d like to keep it that way.

I don’t consider feet to be an issue, but I don’t particularly like to consider feet at all, either. Geez, maybe I do have an issue..?

99. I wear a size 10 shoe.

I like you even more for having bigger feet than me. Thank you.

100. I love quoting Jack Nicholson from “A Few Good Men.”

I sometimes resemble Jack Nicholson from “The Shining”.