PokADotCheese

And In Walks Daddy, In Nothing But His Underwear.

We’ve all heard the expression ‘kids say the darndest things’ well it’s become clear to me, that as a wee child I said the darndiest of the darndest =S

This is another story my mother tells frequently, so frequently it no longer embarrases me. It takes place around the same time as the year of the penis (as momma calls it), so I was about three-fourish.

There I was, all little and chubby faced, doing whatever I did when I was little and chubby faced, probably playing with my toy wrestlers or pickin my nose, and in walks daddy, in nothing but his underwear. By that point, I’d never seen daddy in just his underwear so I did what every little chubby faced kid does when they see something they’ve never seen before, I stared at him, and stared at him, and stared at him, considering the buldge at the front of his tighty whities (EW) and in the most innocent little voice called out to my mother. “Mommy! Daddy poop-ed his pant’s!”

My mom says that dad never laughed so hard in his life.

~Kyla Becker

Do you have a penis?

We all have an embarrassing story that our mother tells anyone and EVERYONE she can, whenever she can. It’s just one of the repercussions for being someones child, it comes with the job description. Well you’d think that one embarrassing story would be enough, right? Not for my Momma. It seems that I was a particularly odd child. My Momma has numerous stories, that she repeats to all my friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, I have a lot of friends apparently =P. Almost everyone I know has heard these stories, and when someone new comes along, all the others fill them in on my shameful childhood. I’ve gotten so used to the stories they no longer embarrass me, I can gladly- or not so gladly I have yet to decide- look back on them and laugh. So I’m going to share a story with you.

When I was two or three, to my Momma’s regret and suffering, a boy across the street from me mentioned that all boys have penises. The thought intrigued my two/three year old mind. Did all boys really have penises? I had to find out for myself. So for months after that every man I would see I would ask him if he had a penis. I can’t imagine how much my Momma wished I was a mute, or that it was legal to gag your children.

You’d think having you daughter ask such a thing to any and every man she met couldn’t get any worse, right? Well I found a way =D. It was almost Christmas, and like a lot of other parent’s my Momma took me to the mall to get my picture taken with Santa. Oh I’m sure you can see where this is going. Just picture it, little innocent me, walking up to Santa, climbing on top of his knee, smiling sweetly up into his big white beard, and jolly red cheeks and asking “Santa, do you have a penis?”. Needless to say Momma didn’t stick around to hear Santa’s reply, she was already half way up the mall, probably on her way to buy a bottle of rum =S.

I don’t even want to know what kind of embarrassing things will come out of my child’s mouths, but I’m sure Momma’s gonna be there to laugh in my face and say it’s pay back for the time I asked Santa if he had a penis! Paybacks are a bitch after all =D.

~Kyla Becker

Soul Ridge

It’s dark and peaceful. I come to you, in your bed at night, crawl under the blankets beside you, and climb into your welcoming arms. We lay in the darkness, and stare out the window. The world outside is dark as well, but there is some light, and the sky is weeping. Thick rain drops slide down the window pane, and create shapes on the walls and dance across our faces as car’s speed through the street outside. The rain makes a beautiful melody, as the wind sings to us.

I take off my clothes, needing my skin to be bare against yours; there can’t be any space between our bodies. I lay in your arms, my head on your chest, your heart beats to the rhythm of the rain, and the whisper of the wind. Bliss, that’s what this feeling is.

We close our eyes and listen to the lullaby the storm outside is singing to us. We are safe and warm in each other’s arms. Nothing else matters. The world fades away as we fall deep into our subconscious, and begin to drift into a dream.

We stand at the edge of a tall ridge looking over a field of golden wheat, surrounded by a lush, mossy forest. The night sky is full of stars, billions of them; the sky is so clustered with stars they all seem to be touching each other. The moon is full and bright, as it smiles down at us, casting a pale glow over the forest, the field, the ridge, and our naked bodies.  A soft cool breeze blows across the field, rustling the wheat, and reaching up to kiss our faces.

We stand atop the ridge, staring down at the field, seeming to be waiting for something to happen, neither of us has the slightest clue what, but we know whatever it is, it will be beautiful. We begin to grow anxious, but then it starts the thing we’ve been waiting for. A single golden orb of light, about the size of a baseball emerges from the middle of the field. It pulses and glows brilliantly as it slowly floats up into the air, over the wheat, towards the star filled sky.

Quickly other orbs join it. Only a few at first, but quickly the number begins to grow. Soon hundreds of golden orbs are pulsing as they float up into the air. The light they cast makes the wheat look as if it’s glowing and pulsing with them. We both know, that these orbs are the souls of people who have died, the knowledge is there in our minds as if placed there by some all knowing being, or perhaps the stars whispered it down to us. They have left their earthly bodies and are now free. Free of pain, anger, sadness, heart ache, all that’s left is peace. We can feel their peace, it emanates from them, and fills our bodies, and makes our souls want to join them, but we know it isn’t our time yet, one day we will be free like they are, but not now, for now we can only whiteness their brilliance.

The orbs pulsing, beats in time to our hearts, which are now in unison, because at this moment we are no longer two people, we are one person inhabiting two bodies, two hearts, one soul, two minds and one mutual feeling.

We watch the orbs float up, way up into the sky, as they do, they begin to come together, when two orbs touch, they merge, creating one even bigger and more brilliant, soon there is only one, massive in size, and moving faster and faster up towards the stars. It too now is a star, thousands of souls, merged together, to form one big beautiful star, traveling up to lay with the others in the sky. We stare up at this new star, shinning with all the others, numerous amount’s of souls, who were once people like we are, shinning together up in the sky, all of them at peace.

We know that one day, our souls will come here, and others will whiteness our peace and brilliance, and watch as we too merge together into a star and float up into the sky to join the others. We smile up at our bright beautiful future, feeling content with our eternity, and suddenly death doesn’t seem so scary, but we know it isn’t our time, we will continue living, we will enjoy the life we have left and patiently await the day when we will be able to smile down at the world from the sky, and become one with the universe.

~Kyla Becker

Weeping Walls -.-

I found out the hard way that I don’t do well under pressure.

It was back in December that my “does not remain calm under pressure” tendency was discovered. Me and my friend Wendy, were hanging out in my room drinking green tea, listening to music like we always do. Wendy leaves my room for a moment, I don’t remember why, but she returned a moment later with a questionable look on her face. She stepped into my door way and told me that she hears water running up stairs in my moms attic space (formally my attic space). When I go up stairs to look I find that a pipe has burst in the kitchenette/cat box area, and water is shooting out every where, soaking the floor, the cat boxes, everything! The first thing that comes into my mind is “OMFG! The apartment’s going to flood!” Needless to say I freak out! Start yelling for Wendy and Sabrina (my cousin who was staying with us at the time) to bring up towels. Now when I say yelling what I really mean is screaming my head off because my apartment is going to flood, and everything is going to be ruined and were going to be homeless, with nothing left of our belonging cause it’s all going to be destroyed by the water! Yes I realize how unreasonable it was now, but at the time I knew that was what was going to happen. I was sure of it.

So I’m screaming and hollering, having a full blown panic attack, and getting pissed off because Wendy and Brina are standing there totally calm when my apartment is FLOODING! I call my mom telling her she needs to call the landlord because his building is about to be FLOODED! Momma of course get’s upset cause I’m screaming at her and she’s at work, so she can’t do a damn thing. By this time Wendy’s down stairs, and Brina’s up stairs laughing at me, watching me cry, soaked, on my knees on the puddle of a floor holding a towel to the busted pipe under the sink to try and stop the flow of water, and the towel is no longer retaining any! I’ve got Momma in my ear yelling at me to shut the tap off which I have no idea how to do. Brina’s still laughing while trying to instruct me with her calm assertive brain, I finally scream at her to do it, I move she crouches down and in two seconds finds the shut off valve, turns it, water stops, all is well. Except now I have a giant puddle to mop up. I thank Brina, calmer now that there’s no longer danger of a flood and start to throw towels on the floor to soak up the mess.

Just when I think everything’s fine Wendy comes up stairs and tells me my bedroom wall is leaking. I go down stairs and sure enough there’s a line of water running down one of my bedroom walls. I grab a towel and hold it up to the wall, okay no big deal it’s just one little trickle, it will stop soon, right? WRONG! Another line appears, Wendy grabs a towel and holds it up to the wall, soon there’s more lines of water leaking down the wall and me and Wendy have run out of hands. Our friend Colin shows up (Thankfully GOD!) and holds up more towels. But it doesn’t stop, more and more leaks appear, bubbles begin to form in the ceiling, then the bubbles burst and water starts to rain down! Brina brings in more towels. Walls continue to rain!

Soon the three of us are up on chairs, arms spread, towels held to the ceiling, Brina’s taking pictures, our arms are aching. Finally the plummer our landlord called arrives, fixes the pipe, and slowly but surely my walls stop crying, I stop crying and we all relax on my bed, that survived untouched by the water and indulge in tea and music.

Needless to say it was an eventful day =D

~Kyla Becker