Thanks, Bastard Who Sent Me This Meme. Thanks A LOT.

Thanks, Bastard Who Sent Me This Meme. Thanks A LOT.

Here we go folks… sigh…*

‘Tis the Season to be Meme-ing…

5 things in my fridge.

1. An odd smell…
2. Cheese.
3. Three containers of mostly full margarine.
4. “A macaroni & cheese casserole that turned into a science experiment several weeks ago.”
Is that what that was…? I feel sick…
5. Lightbulb. (aside from the burnt out one that I can’t get unscrewed, that is.) It’s the replacement, left there in disgust when the old one wouldn’t come out. And because we all know that light bulbs stored in the fridge last longer. Or is that pantyhose…?

5 Items in my closet

1. I.
2. Don’t.
3. Have.
4. A.
5. Closet.

How much does that suck?!

5 items in my car (If I had a car to put five items in… bearing in mind that if I ever have a car, it will have to be big enough for a minibar…)

1. Built-in computer networked to my building with state-of-the-art ultraspeed satellite internet. (Duh.)
2. My chauffeur. Somebody’s gotta drive.
3. My bartender. Somebody’s gotta mix the drinks.
4. My kid. Because she’s cool and I like hangin’ out with her.
5. Either Ellen DeGeneres (who would be telling me how glad she was she gave me that camera after all), or Val Kilmer (who would be signing my contract – Come on, Val… you know you want to…). Screw it, it’s my car; they can both come as long as they don’t bicker.

5 items in my purse (I don’t carry a purse – so I’ll use the pockets of my cargoes)
1. Keys. In case they lock me out.
2. My hanky.
3. My cigarettes. I’m sorry, okay?
4. My digital camera.
5. My cell phone. ‘Cause we all know I’m gonna get lost.

And as amended: (or perhaps, more justifiably, in retribution:)

5 ways to leave your lover
1. In court.
2. In tears.
3. In pain.
4. In jail.
5. In traction.

I’m tagging these favourites (apologies all around):

1. Suzi, of I’ll Tell You What It Shwaz, which sucks for her because she’s right in the middle of a big pile of “busy” right now… Sorry, Suzi. Well, sort of sorry…
2. Bonanza Jellybean, back “fresh” from the horse show.
3. Deni, The Last Girl on Earth, just ‘cuz I’m dying to know what a professional musician from New York City has in her fridge…
4. Julie, of Julie Goes to Hollywood fame, just ‘cuz I’m dying to know what a professional screenwriter in Hollywood has in her fridge… Does she have a fridge, and does she even need one, she of the Hollywood Power Lunch/Dinner/Drinks Meeting? (Damn, but I’m jealous…)
5. Val Kilmer, of The Salton Sea, because if he’s gonna ride in my car, dammit, he’s darn well gonna pay for it somehow!