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My Kid is a Changeling

"Sunflower 3"Taken August 28, 2005, with HP PhotoSmart R607
“Sunflower 3”
Taken August 28, 2005, with HP PhotoSmart R607

David McMahon wants to know: Do you have ESP?

Short Answer? Christ, I hope not.

But, my kid seems to have some creepy abilities that make me wonder about “powers” that I don’t like to think about, including nightmares about losing Grampa the night before we got the call that he was taken to hospital recently.

And then there’s the little “TV Repair-by-Mind-Control” trick. Our ancient console television’s picture tube is slowly dying. When the thing is powered on for awhile, the picture squishes itself down, bits at a time, ’til we’re looking at an inch-high strip of colour in the middle of a black screen. For awhile, turning it off for about ten minutes would solve the problem (temporarily), but I knew I was looking at buying a new TV just when I was getting the Visa paid down again, finally. Damn.

Then, the other day, when I was swearing over the non-picture again, Ky said, “Wait for a commercial before you turn it off.”

? ! ?

I reminded her that the picture tube was going. It didn’t matter what was on the screen when we turned it off, the problem was with the parts, not the signal. She replied that that may very well be so, but if I waited for a commercial before turning it off, the picture would be fine the next time I turned the set on, and would stay fine until I was ready to turn it off again.

Now, I know enough about electronics to know that this is not possible. I told her so. She agreed with me, but insisted it worked.

I reminded her that (given her “trouble-shooting” solution was possible) just because this station was running a commercial, the chances that all the stations would be running commercials at the same time was probably nil. And besides, THE PICTURE TUBE IS DYING, DAMN IT. Again, she agreed with me, at the same time insisting that her solution, impossible as it sounds, works.

And it does. It shouldn’t, but it does.

If I turn the TV off in the middle of a program, it will screw up when I want to watch it again later, but as long as I remember to wait for the next commercial before turning it off, even for a minute or two, it behaves perfectly. For hours. No matter how many times I change the channel. Thankfully, the little Mind-Bender does not need to be home/awake for it to work, or I would always be calling her/shaking her and aiming the cell phone/her tired little face at the television.

Somebody please come up with a reasonable explanation for this. If you can’t do so, I’m going to have to let her trouble-shoot the fridge light that won’t light, and the oven element that won’t “element”. I’m reminded (again, creepily) that if not for the miracle of modern medicine, my daughter would have been born in the caul.

clipped from en.wikipedia.org

One popular legend went that a caulbearer would be able to see the future or have dreams that come to pass.

Negative associations with the birth caul are rare, but in several European countries a child being born with a caul was a sign that the child may become a vampire.

  blog it

For the record, my child has never claimed to be a vampire. But from the ages of 4 through about 8 she insisted her “real” mother was a werewolf. Then she would pat my hand and apologize for hurting my feelings by reminding me that she wasn’t really “mine”.

Maybe she’s a changeling…

Random Song for the Day: “Ol’ 55” – The Eagles

8 replies on “My Kid is a Changeling”

Les, you’ve done it again. You simply nail these posts every time. Thank you for taking part and thank you for trusting us enough to share this with us.

Les Says: Thanks, David- your questions do tend to spark the old noggin.

I’d bet money (not much) that the chip that ‘s been implanted in your head by the secret corporate world government is somehow messin’ with the signal. Otherwise, why wouldn’t it be interrupting the commercials????? AAAaaahahahahah. Ok fat boy, step away from the bong.

Les Says: Oh, now – the commercials were being messed up, too – just for some reason, we have to turn it off during commercials to clear the signal up. Maybe the Secret Government Chip is installed in the tv…?

YOU HAVE A BONG, HAIRY?! NO. FAIR.

Woooo – a kid like that is priceless, you could rent her out to neighbours and earn yourself a fortune! I know when people die. Not before they die. When. I wake up and KNOW such-and-such has just gone. It’s happened numerous times throughout my entire life. I’ve never been wrong.

Oh shit – I’ve just had a horrible thought – you don’t think I left my body and KILLED them all, do you???? Eeeeeekkkk…..

Les Says: Thanks. Now I gotta worry about you, too…

Does the kid have anything to do with your blogroll appearing on my computer as though it’s done in headings when in fact, it’s the tail end of blog name wrapping around?

Under Cardiogirl it looks like a heading of “100% fun” and then there are blogs until you hit the tail end of Inane Thoughts for the category of “Ramblings”. I feel proud to be listed under “Better” (My Next One Will Be Better). I guess if your display is different than mine, this whole comment will seem ludicrous. I’ll take the chance. And then add you to my ‘roll, cause that’s the way I roll.

Les Says: Ugh! Did it just start doing that? Is it STILL doing that? I don’t know unless you came by through frames on an RSS site, and it’s using those settings instead.

Thanks, though, for the return link, Dale. Let me know if things are still messing up and I’ll try and figure out what’s causing it.

Excellent post Les. I especially like the title, it sucked me right in. As for Ky, with powers like these you won’t ever have to worry about her dating, she’ll be able to spot the bad guys and turn em away at will.

Les Says: But… but… what if she LIKES the bad guys, OldGuy?!

Ky has the opposite power that I do. if you decide to rent her out, I will pay handsomely for her abilities.

Les Says: Cut me a check and send a plane ticket… Now that I know how to fix the TV, I don’t really need her anyway.

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