“Gramma-Lady” type characteristics. Cooking, laundry and cleaning MANDATORY (yes, windows, too). Must be willing to endure ear-splitting decibels of all genres of music. Dancing to same will be considered an asset by the employer. Must have excellent bar-tending skills, most especially in the Art of the Cuba Libre, and the Dirty Martini. Must be fluent in Cat, Teen-Ager, and Gibberish.
Communication requirements minimal, but the following phrases should be memorized:
“Sit. Write. Eat.”
“Your bath is ready.”
“Your clothes are here, laid out in the order in which they should be put on.”
“Don’t forget your camera.”
“CSI is starting.”
“Of course it’s not too early to have a beer, silly! I’ll get one for you.”
Phone skills – To be memorized: “The Lady, she no home.”
Apply Where the Walls are Soft. All applications will be seriously considered.
Not-So-Random Song for the Day: “It’s a Hard Life” – Queen