Jan

31

…Like a Woman Scorned.

jealous
Guess Who’s Jealous, Now…?!

I was telling Ruby tonight about posting my Dad’s harrowing experience on the ice in 1938. I had been about to add that I thought he was jealous of all the attention she was getting from my readers.

I didn’t get the chance, because once I told her the story she jumped right in with, “That’s nothing. I know people that drove trucks over the ice to Cockburn Island.”

Umm, well, actually… so do I. My dad is one of them (no, Mushy, not the kind of “ice truck driver” you were telling me about… just stupid Canuckians trying to save a buck). He did it when the crappy truck he had over there already finally died, and he didn’t want to pay The Bargeman a bzillion dollars to get another one over there in the summer. He tossed his snow machine in the bed of the slightly less crappy truck and away he went. Ijit. He drove the snow machine back the next day.

And Ruby continued telling about when one of the Bruce Mines Robinsons (Sandtrampers, originally, they were) “drove over there with his skidoo in the bed of the truck. Smart, he was – that was how he got himself back again, wasn’t it?”

I didn’t dare say another word about my Dad. I have another story from him to post, as well, but I think I’m going to post another from Ruby first. I see her more often, so I guess she should get precedence. Not to mention, she has the fan-base. And I don’t want her to raise the rent…

I did ask her if she’d ever been to Cockburn herself.

“Nope,” said she.

“Why not?” I asked. “Just never had the opportunity?”

“Nope,” she laughed. “I just never had a boat.”

* * *

So I have a favour to ask of you all…. does anybody out there (anywhere on the planet…?) have a Velvet Elvis painting they’re willing to send to Canuckia? I’ll pay for it (I’m poor, though, remember, so go easy on me…), and the shipping, too.

No, my taste in art is not “off” (no offense to Velvet Elvis fans, or Elvis fans in general) – but I need it as set dressing for a soon-to-be-starting web production of “Magnificent” proportion. I would have thought I could find a Velvet Elvis painting at some second-hand emporium here in town, but so far, no such luck.

PS – Day 12 Smoke Free!!! The “Patch” is spectacular. Last night I dreamed that Stuart Little moved in… and for some reason, so did Ky’s dad, and we got into a heated argument over whether Stuart should have his own little cup to drink from (my argument), or whether he should drink from the cats’ dish (The Dad argument), since he was eating cat food anyway. Stuart – not Ky’s Dad. Poor little mouse should have his own cup, dammit…

And Craig Ferguson is still stalking me. In my dreams, that is. Last night, he made his producers hire me for some unknown but extremely well-paid job, and had them commemorate it with a really ugly porcelain plaque that said “Welcome On Board!” That’s right – “ON Board” – not “Aboard”. I KNOW!!!! How weird is that?!

Obviously, Craig Ferguson does not have a boat.

Random Song for the Day: “The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World

Posted in The Landlady | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

12 Responses to …Like a Woman Scorned.

  1. cardiogirl says:

    I’m surprised Ruby was trumpin’ your dad. She struck me as so confident, not as someone who would have to push another out of the limelight.

    Tsk, tsk, Ruby. There’s enough love on the internet for both you AND Les’ dad.

    Les Says: I don’t think she meant to push him out so much, as maybe get in there with him… oooh. That doesn’t sound quite right.

  2. cardiogirl says:

    Darn, I hit submit before I got to comment on how thoughtful you were to Stuart Little. Small as he is, he deserves his own cup. Golly, does Ky’s Dad think he’s an animal or something. Damn. Give the mouse a cup.

    Les Says: Thank you. I knew you would back me up, Betch.

  3. OldGuy says:

    I’d let you have my velvet Elvis but my paint by number Jesus would be lonely without him.

    HA HA HA HA HA !!!

    Les Says: Sure… make fun of the no-budget producer. Hmpf.

  4. Mushy says:

    Stop the smoking! It stinks!

    I love Craig…stay up late to watch him… genius if ever there was one!

    Les Says: Two weeks tomorrow as a non-smoker, Mushy…! Hey, maybe Craig will give me a plaque for that?!

  5. maline says:

    Hi,les! Keep it up – stop smoking!
    I’m just wondering, does ruby knows how popular she is on the whole blogosphere? Hehe, she shouldn’t just keep the rent low, but rather give you a free board!

    Les Says: It’s a good thing you said “blogosphere” rather than “Internet”. Ruby considers the Internet to be a horrible invasion of privacy (because a pizza delivery place came up with her address when she gave them her phone number several years ago), rife with child pornographers and government spies.

    But she really likes to hear what my regular commenters think of the last story (Mushy is her favourite), and it’s as if she considers the blogosphere to be separate from the Internet altogether. And that the blogosphere consists of maybe ten or twenty blogs.

    So, no, I guess she doesn’t realize the scope of it all. I think she picks up a few new fans a week if the stats are any indication. I wish you would ALL comment!

    I’m going to mention the free board idea. I doubt it will fly, but it’s a good idea in my books.

  6. Aimee says:

    Your dreams are funny! I would argue for Stuart to have his own cup too. He’s too dignified to lap up a drink with cats or dogs.
    That’s the thing when you deal with elderly people…they have a lot of good stories so they tend to think of something all the time.
    Dang them and their life experience!!!!

    Les Says: Ruby continues to tell me she’s running out of stories. I have to “luck into them” now, so to speak, hoping a word in the crossword puzzle (SAMOYED, for instance) will spark something new.

    PS – last night I dreamed of dirty catboxes, and a bartender that delivered beer by the bottle directly to my backyard. I don’t have a backyard. I need a backyard. And a bartender.

  7. Elle says:

    Get the mouse a dang cup! And now you know that Craig Ferguson is definitely NOT the man for you, he is ill-equipped for naval transport. Nah. Not a good thing. Congrats on the continuing victory over the urge to you-know-what, strange dreams be damned! Maybe this is a new opportunity for yet another blog: Odd Reveries, or Just Don’t Throw Me In The Nicotine Patch!

    Les Says: NO man is for me. I don’t have the time (not to mention the inclination) for a man anymore. But, damn! The more I think about it, the more I want that mysterious, well-paid J.O.B. with Ferguson – whatever the hell it is – I don’t even care. Californ-i-a. Let’s go, Shet-bags.

    And YES. Yes, DO throw me in the Nicotine Patch!! DO! DO! I may have wonky dreams, but hell, I’m finally SLEEPING again!

  8. Joe says:

    Congrats on the smoke free bit. I’m a few days behind the original post so hopefully you’re still holding strong.

    Les Says: So far, so good. Thanks for the support, Joe!

  9. Velvet Elvis painting? I’ll keep my eyes peeled for you …

    Les Says: Thanks, David. And there’s been an addendum to that, as well. It’s now been decided that several (up to seven – ulp…*) Velvet Elvises (Elvisi?!) of different poses and sizes may be required. In other words, if you see three… I WANTS them. LOL!

  10. Dan says:

    Hi Les,
    It’s going to take me sometime to come up to speed about Ruby but I think I am going to enjoy her story tremendously. Great writing!
    Regards

    Les Says: Well, thank you, Dan! Check out “The Landlady” category for most the stories… but typing “Ruby” in the search box will give you little bits and pieces of her as well. I hope you become as attached to her as I and the rest of her internet fans are – she gets quite the kick out of that. 🙂

  11. Bloggers Showroom Services says:

    This is a very nice personal blog. Things that make you go “hmmmm”

    –PLAYTHERE

    Les Says: Well, thank you very much! I like the idea of the whole internet staring at my blog and going “hmmmm”. I hope you come back and visit again.

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