Axe Murderers Don’t Wear Plaid
Taken March 21, 2009 with Canon PowerShot A550
I know this post is so late that it’s near unforgivable. Here I am at last, though, having killed Photoshop and reanimated it so that I can use it again.
Our Detroit trip shrunk a little… thankfully. My sad attempt at “pre-planning” failed miserably enough that we ran out of time to get all the way to Detroit and back in the few days left of my RTO, so I was ecstatic when Cardiogirl emailed me with, “How about meeting half-way, Betch?!”
She and Mr. C. had decided that an overnight with their three girls as far as Grayling would be a nice little surprise for the family. Imagine being 8, loaded into the car to go to McDonald’s for supper, and ending up miles away in a strange hotel, face-to-face with a couple of whacked-out Canuckians. Surprise!
Ky and I decided we’d go a day early and stay over in Gaylord, simply to experience a certain Chinese restaurant we’d heard nice things about. That stay was worth it, just for the meal, which the hotel paid for. They also gave us our breakfast, a fabulous pool and mittsful of free DVDs to watch. I think we may have fallen asleep in the middle of Movie #4…
On to Grayling….
Check in was for 3 pm, and we were early, so we decided to drive around town. I happened to park directly in front of Ky’s idea of Heaven:
Heaven: A Whole Store Dedicated to Jerky
Taken March 21, 2009 with Canon PowerShot A550
We got back to the hotel at around 1:30, where they let us check in early, and we wandered the most kid-friendly place I’ve been in. Ky started to get nervous over meeting CG’s three girls.
Ky loves kids, but as she says, “You never know if they’re going to be annoying, and what if they are?”
My nerves were shot, too. What if, even after all the blog-comments, and emails, and phone-calls, it turns out that I meet my best Shetbag face-to-face and… we have nothing to say?
What if her husband, whom I really know nothing about turns out to be an arse?
What if her kids are all run-amoks and she just lets ’em go until I want to stomp on them?
What if everybody at work is right, and these people turn out to be mass-murderers who troll the internet as a hobby, looking for stupid Canadian people (like us, for example) to entice into the States, and then they chloroform us and we wake up in the dark somewhere, drugged out, packed in ice, and missing important organs? I mean, they are from Detroit…
In CardioGirl’s post about the trip, she mentions her own misgivings, but she was a little more succinct. “What if she’s lame?” I guess maybe that’s what my own concerns boiled down to, but Canadians do tend to wax eloquent, eh?
After pestering the poor Front-Desk Man over and over, he promised he would have CG call us upon their arrival, so we went back to our room and waited.
And then the phone rang and I climbed up onto the ceiling and clung there, afraid to go meet them. Ky managed to peel me off, dress me up a little, and we went to the pool area, to find CardioGirl, et al, waving and grinning and yes, I even got a hug from the non-hugging Betch, can you believe that?!
And her first words after “Hi!” were: “Say ‘Apple’.” Apparently, the Canuckian accent is funny as hell. And when “Eh?” slips your lips, an American will laugh really hard. Every time.
We spent a most wonderful less-than-24-hours, half-naked in a hot-tub drinking beer (yes, that would be my favourite part), watching Ky have way too much fun with the most well-behaved, articulate, cute, non-fighting little girls I have ever met; shared two meals, and generally got pruney soaking in chlorine.
And that pic up top is the only usable photo I managed in our entire visit.
We are going again.
And this time, we’ll make it to Detroit.
(And this time, I’ll buy the beer, Mr. C.)
Random Song-for-the-Day: “Heart of Glass” – Blondie
© Kyla Becker
Taken March 14, 2009 with Canon PowerShot A550
Okay, so maybe it hasn’t been “hiding”, so much, as that I’ve been “doing”. Maybe, it’s been more like hibernating. I’ve been working and sleeping and getting up long enough to go to work and not much of anything else since the New Year rolled in.
Spring is finally here (maybe). It’s time to wake up.
I am on holiday for the next week. If I hadn’t already booked it a couple of months back, I would have done so anyway. I’m burnt out. And slept out.
I booked the week off to go visit CardioGirl, ‘member that?
I’ve been throwing money at some of the dreamy little plans I’ve hinted at over the last couple of years… so much so, that I forgot (forgot!) that I might possibly need some cash to get to Detroit.
And eat while there.
Not to mention sleep somewhere other than in the Prissy-Van, ‘cuz, you know, who can afford to get up every two hours and feed a parking meter?
All of this is supposed to happen sometime this week (This. Week.).
I’m a-skeered to call the betch, for fear she’ll just tell me to shove it.
Random Song-for-the-Day: “Carbon Monoxide” – Regina Spektor
“Where You Caught That Mystery Virus…”
Taken December 18, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550
Bloggers are pretty freaking funny. Lucky for me, ‘cuz I’ve been short of time of late, and recuperating after finishing The Waitress, the Whiskey & the Handcuffs. So I spent a little of what time was left over after “re-charging” (ahem…*) picking through my comments of last year. I’m paying homage to a bunch of my Blog Family members and a few others with this list, just because it proves they may be more crazy than I am.
These are great writers, all, and I hope you’ll visit them – ummm… although OldGuy’s site is slightly kaput at the mo’. No, it wasn’t my fault. I don’t think, anyway.
Oh, and Julie may be AWOL. That probably is my fault.
OldGuy of OldGuy’s Tree House:
“Oh, I like Ruby’s mother, I really do. And headless, blood-spurting dancing chickens.”
“I’m getting old and my bladder isn’t what it used to be.”
“Actually I’d like to be there when they replace the skylight coz I wanna make faces and fire paper clips at them.”
“So you walk to the retirement home every time you go out ?”
“Geez, between the powerful zoom and your nifty reshaped eyeballs you must be able to see all the way to Moosonee.”
“Whack job eh ? Well, at least I’m in good company.”
“There was that one year when we didn’t get snow in April … oh no wait, that was in Hawaii.”
“The trick to getting through vacuuming is to imagine the dirt is trying to destroy the universe and you are a hero armed with a powerful weapon that will foil it’s evil plan.”
Mushy of Mushy’s Moochings:
“You must have or witnessed chickens being killed, because I have and you are dead on.”
“You have to love ’em…they’ve been around too long not to.”
“I was intrigued, first of all, that anyone could stay in a bathtub that long!”
Rhea of The Boomer Chronicles:
“I think it was the eggs hanging down, not the hummingbird, that clinched the grand prize.”
“Was it the drugs?”
“It’s a pretty groovy haircut.”
Denise of Not What It Seems:
“I want to know about the donkey.”
“Since I don’t know the whole situation, I will give you a hippie/granola crunching response.”
MotherPie of, well, MotherPie:
“I was the flower girl in the Marlboro Man’s wedding (he was one of the non-smoking Marlboro Men, I think).”
Suzi of What It Shwas:
“I swear I can smell the pee-soaked straw.”
“I sure hope you made a video of the rat vs. cat match.”
“You picked the wrong time to give up booze.”
“Might I suggest cloning yourself?”
“Mmmmmm. I’m suddenly craving eggrolls and calamari.”
“You can’t really consider a camera “tested” until it’s been to Mexico, though.”
“I enjoy the shark’s lipstick, too.”
“It’s so much harder to learn new stuff when there’s already so much stuff packed into your brain!”
“Tell Kyla to quit floofing her kid dander all over the place. Geez.”
Shrinky of Shrink-Wrapped Scream:
“Beer – lots, it’ll help no end.”
“Don’t do it – you know it makes you cranky!”
“So I know you’ve written to me, but I haven’t a clue what..aarrgghhhh!!!”
“Fornicating pigeons are far more my style..”
“Hey, I just won an award today!!! Dead chuffed, I am.”
“I’ve sent the lear jet – but bring your own freakin’ chair!!”
“God my head hurts. I’m gonna be driving around half-pissed for the rest of today.”
“Sure, life is shit at times, we’ve all got to deal with it. I deal with it by drinking a bucket of wine.”
BeckEye of The PopEye:
“I’ve never seen any riding the trains, just walking on the tracks. Oh, and swimming in the nacho cheese at Taco Bell.”
“If I put as much effort into finding paying gigs as I do into writing silliness on my non-lucrative blog, I’d be living in the West Village instead of above a porn shop in Brooklyn.”
“A subway rat would’ve eaten all 3 of you without batting an eye.”
“What happens to a dream deferred? Does it burn like a wicker chair?”
“Your camera needs a name? Uh, Federwhore, maybe?”
“Way to make me feel like a loser!”
“Not gloating or anything. Wait, yes I am.”
“Say ‘feces’ instead of ‘shit.’ It’s such a fun word to say. Or ‘turds.'”
“If someone threw a quarter at my ass, it would probably never be seen again.”
Julie of What They Don’t Tell You in Film School:
“I had a bathroom modeled a few years back, which was around the time I learned to pee in a coffee cup.”
Deni of Last Girl on Earth:
“I just took the test and I’m a purple brain too.”
* * *
Oh, and yeah… I’m employed again. Twice over, as matter of fact. Yes. Two jobs – how the hell did that happen do you think?!
Random Song-for-the-Day: “Good Riddance” – Green Day
“You’re not Morgan Freeman!”
The winning caption was written by Dale of Passion of the Dale, a fellow Canuckian, I might add. No, I didn’t “fix” it. I’m not that patriotic.
And those that didn’t win, not to mention those that didn’t enter the contest (shame on you!), can get a copy of Natalie d’Arbeloff’s “The God Interviews” by clicking Here.
Congratulations, Dale! I know you’ll love “The God Interviews”.
As will any cats you read it to.
Random song for the Day: “Opera Singer” – Cake
Remember this!? Oh, yeah, that! I remember that!
“What – Me? Procrastinate?!”
I posted it on February 11th. Ahem…*
I don’t like breaking promises. I didn’t break this one, thankfully, so much as delayed it. By a loooooong time.
Cardiogirl, my shetbag of a partner in crime and caption-contest-hosting, is blaming herself for this delay. I’m trying to convince her that she didn’t “drop the ball”, as she insists on putting it. We were in this together from the get-go.
And besides… we didn’t drop the ball. It’s more like we just lobbed it back and forth until it went over the fence and got lost in the tall weeds.
Good news, though – we found it! As per the original “rules” of the contest, we have chosen our three favourite captions and we’re expecting our readers to do the actual work and vote for the winner of an AUTOGRAPHED copy of Natalie d’Arbeloff’s fabulous book of cartoons, “The God Interviews”.
Actually, truth be told, we couldn’t pare it down to fewer than four captions, so CG put them in a toy bathtub belonging to her daughter and had said daughter draw the top three. That’s right, the three best captions were pulled randomly out of the tub by a child, folks, so you know this is legit.
Here’s what we ended up with, along with the pic from the contest.
“Of course I caught you, that’s the deal. You were expecting the Flying Wallendas?”
“You’re not Morgan Freeman!”
If you click here, you’ll find CG’s post with the voting poll. The poll will stay up until Tuesday, as Monday is a holiday in the U.S. and all the U.S.ers will be beaching or BBQing instead of surfing the net and voting for captions like they ought to be doing, and all the Canuckians will be stuck at work complaining that the Americans got a holiday and we didn’t.
Cuz that’s what we do in Canuckia.
After Tuesday, we will announce the winning caption and attempt to extract a shipping address from the lucky new owner of “The God Interviews”. Then… we will actually (gasp!) ship the book to the winner!
Honest. I swear we will do this.
* * *
P.S. Carolyn B., over at Drops of Blood wrote a fairy-tale meme and Where the Walls are Soft – Yes! This freaky-deaky blog of mine! – got included! How cool is that?!
Random Song for the Day: “Mr. Brightside” – The Killers