Fatso Ratso is No More…

5 Things I’ve Learned About Brown Rats That I Didn’t Know Yesterday:

1) A brown rat may not understand English (else why would he not cooperate and stay in the cage once warned of the consequences?), but I know of one that certainly picks up on “change of heart” quickly.

2) A brown rat can scratch you, bite you, and swear at you all at the same time.

3) A brown rat can escape a triple-taped cardboard box in under 15 seconds using the top of his head, hence is best locked into a normally “fun” rat ball (also triple-taped for security) to make the trip to Death Row.

4) A brown rat can be humanely euthanized for a measly 10 bucks.

5) If a brown rat and a cat “get it into it”, the brown rat will win. Even when it was the rat that instigated the war, and even though it won, the rat will hold a grudge, and exact revenge (which is what prompted the final decision to make the trip to Death Row).

I would post details, but I honestly feel guilty. Until I look at poor Patchouli, still creeping around here terrified, no doubt wondering if Fatso Ratso is hiding somewhere, lying in wait.

6 Replies to “Fatso Ratso is No More…”

  1. Ouch. I’m sure that was a terrible decision to have to make, but you really didn’t have a choice. I sure hope you made a video of the rat vs. cat match, though. I’ll be checking YouTube.

    Les Says: Sorry, no video – it happened really fast, and I was too busy trying to find the hammer to get payback for the cat… (ouch – there’s that guilt again… I may never sleep again.) As for YouTube, I like to think I’ll hold out and never use it again. All the “Bad Mother” comments on homeschooling videos pissed me off too much.

  2. A subway rat would’ve eaten all 3 of you without batting an eye.

    Les Says: Ooohhh! Way to fend off blog-stalkers, Beck! Good one! And I was SO looking forward to a NYC subway ride once I got your address, too… damn.

    Do rats actually ride the trains, though? I wanna know (with no wisecracks about the “ratty” people that ride the trains, if possible, please).

  3. I’ve never seen any riding the trains, just walking on the tracks. Oh, and swimming in the nacho cheese at Taco Bell.

    Les Says: Mmmmmm… Rat Pate. See, Fatso Ratso would’ve taken over the train.

    I heard about the Taco Bell deal on Deni Bonet’s blog. Creepy.

  4. Oh, you have such a way with words! Had to be done, luv, didn’t it? Beer – lots, it’ll help no end (and that’s only for the daughter). Big hugs, ’twas the only way to go, you did the right thing. x

    Les Says: Still not “beering” – the school business plagues my conscience too much, I’m afraid. Apparently, enough to suffer without beer, but not enough to actually sit my ass down and work harder, unfortunately….

  5. Oh ick. We’ve seen them in the London subway and in the NYC subway and the nicest a stranger ever was to me in NYC was stopping me as I stepped off a curb. I would have stepped on to a rat otherwise. Double ick.

    We had roof rats in Houston. That’s another story.

    Les Says:

    Here, it’s pigeons that rule the roofs. Loud, messy and, apparently, permanent. I imagine they are more grateful for my new roof than I am. That’s a whole ‘nother story, as well…

  6. Oh. God. Les.

    Why, oh why, did you allow your kid to have a RAT for a pet?

    When I read the other post when the rat woke you up nibbling your chin I almost went insane.


    Les Says: Hey, if it had occurred to me that rats could become demented and try to kill their housemates, starting with the little ones and working their way up… honest, Fatso Ratso never would have wormed his way into my heart. I blame that sucky “Ben” movie that Michael Jackson wrote the theme song for back in the 70’s. That alone should have tipped me off, now that I think about it…

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