I Don’t Have a Chicken
in my Portfolio…
Just a bit of fun I had, taking the advice of a friend who told me that when I’m stuck in a “non-writing” phase (I refuse to call this “blocked”, anymore – sounds too damned permanent), I should rewrite other people’s stories.
I didn’t like that idea.
Then, while cleaning out the laptop, I found a link to a news story that I somehow saved for reasons unknown about how to avoid wildlife collisions on Northern Ontario highways. Why I saved the link, I haven’t a clue, but when I re-read the story, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” kept popping into my head.
So, I re-wrote the news story, and I’m still laughing. Yeah. Doesn’t take much to amuse me, does it?
Chicken collisions – reduce your risks!
ANYTOWN, ON – Anytown OPP is cautioning motorists on the increased incidents of chicken collisions on area highways.
Collisions with chickens can result in serious vehicle damage, personal injury or even death.
In 2008, Anytown OPP detachments cluster responded to 222 motor vehicle collisions involving chickens and to date in 2009, a total of 101.
Chickens are unpredictable at all times.
However, there are two peak times when the risk of a collision is highest: May and June when chickens seek road salt in ditches and try to escape biting insects and during the fall mating and migration seasons.
– Scan the road ahead from shoulder to shoulder. When you see chickens beside the road, slow down and pass carefully as they may suddenly bolt onto the road.
– Watch for the yellow chicken warning signs that indicate an area of increased risk. Slow down when traveling through these areas.
– Use high beams at night where possible and watch for glowing eyes of chickens.
– Stay in control. Watch your speed and take extra precautions when driving at night as chicken visibility is greatly reduced. Slowing down will give you that extra second to respond.
– Never swerve suddenly. This could cause your vehicle to go out of control or head into oncoming chickens.
– Brake firmly if a chicken is standing on, or crossing, the road. Never assume the chicken will move out of your way.
– Stop as safely as possible if a chicken is crossing the road. Remember, if one chicken crosses the road, others may follow.
If possible, avoid driving during dusk or dawn when most chicken collisions occur.
Swerving to avoid hitting a chicken may result in a more serious collision.
If hitting a chicken is unavoidable, remember to stay in control.
Watch, steer, brake and stop.
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…and yes, folks, I am aware that Michael Jackson is no longer with us. I’m less upset over the fact that he’s dead than that he’s hogging all the limelight when Farrah Fawcett died on the same day. I was more a fan of hers than his.
With apologies to his family, his friends and his fans, I thought the man/boy was a freak.
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Oh, and THIS?! You MUST click it. Read it. Die laughing. It’s SOOOOOO much more funny than chicken collisions.
Random Song-for-the-Day: “Let Me Go” – Cake