Categories
J.O.B. Little Bits of Stupid Photography Real Life

The Surgery of Hilary Federwhore

Camera Guts EVERYWHERE! © Les Becker Taken April 3, 2011 with Nokia N97 Smartphone
Camera Guts EVERYWHERE!
© Les Becker
Taken April 3, 2011 with Nokia N97 Smartphone

I’m sure I could do a little digging and find the last photo taken by my Canon PowerShot A550 (named Hilary Federwhore, because every camera should have a name to match the bitch’s personality), if I bothered to. I do know, without the search, that it was some time before February 1 of 2010, which was our release date from imprisonment in our one-room basement “loft” (with a sauna!).

I had surmised that she was killed on impact when Freak Cat swiped her out of The Evil Hypnotist’s hands and smashed her to the cold, hard ceramic floor (models can be so unpredictable), but it turns out she (Hilary, not the cat) was only rendered comatose.

In April, our Techiest of Tech Guys at work, known to us as Large Gentle Teddy Bear, pulled Hil’s guts out, in an attempt to resuscitate her. He found the problem, rectified it, and then discovered that putting her back together again can be rather Humpty-Dumpty-ish.

Apparently if the positive and negative wires (conveniently unmarked, of course) become detached (accidentally, of course) from the whose-a-whatsit, the reassembly becomes much like the defusing of a bomb – only backward: if he reconnects the wrong wire to the wrong terminal, Hilary might fry. I will know the outcome when Large Gentle Teddy Bear has done enough Googling to get up the nerve to flip a coin.

In the meantime, I had to post the following picture as well, which was taken with my Nokia N97 Smartphone. Pretty much the only feature of the N97 that I really like is the camera, which takes great shots, and HD video.

Incidentally, the N97 (whose name is “My Phone”, btw), took a swim in a bucket of mop water last week and I thought she was kakked, too. I was incommunicado until the following morning, when I grew a new respect for My Phone. She be hardy.

I don’t know what organ of Hilary this might be, but it’s a cool photo, anyhow.

Hilary's Heart? © Les Becker Taken April 3, 2011 with Nokia N97 Smartphone
Hilary’s Heart?
© Les Becker
Taken April 3, 2011 with Nokia N97 Smartphone

Random Song for the Day: “Perfect” – Pink

Categories
Finances Photography

Ta-DA!!

Ta-DA!!
Ta-DA!!
Taken March 14, 2009 with Canon PowerShot A550

Now, don’t get all excited by the “Ta-DA”; I don’t have much in the way of “lawyer” news, yet. I have to admit, though, that I’m sick and tired of being pissed off, already.

And I feel guilty about dissing The Sire on my very public blog, even if he (sorta) does deserve it.

And he does deserve it. Sorta.

I wanted to not be pissed anymore, and now I’m not. I’m busy setting things straight, and that’s helped. It’s long past due.

I want to get back to my plans, and I can’t do that until this mess is fixed.

And, dammit, I want a new camera.

Don’t get me wrong – I still love Hilary Federwhore. She is the bomb. The Evil Hypnotist is a video-making addict, though, and I can never find Hilary when I really want/need her.

And if, by some miracle, I do find her, the batteries are generally dead. It’s time for Camera #2 (I’m going to leave the little HP I drowned with an extra large Tim’s® out of the count – it’s no doubt been recycled into… whatever drowned cameras get recycled into, by now), whatever its name will be .

Hil’s been good to me. That shot up at the top there is a good case in point. If you click it and then zoom the photo, the clarity is pretty damned good for what I paid for it. You can even see the aphids crawling on the fronds…

I don’t know anything about which camera has what features now that I don’t sell cameras anymore. Nor do I have time to stand in Louie’s store and play with them all.

But, guess what I found, Betches ‘n Shetbags?!

I found this place! I want you all to go and find your dream camera and report back to me. Go, go, go! Or, better yet, read the rest of the post, then go, and pick me up my fave. 😀

Okay, I’m kidding – but only a little…

I know what I want in a camera, as far as features go. And, much as I want to stay true to Canon, considering Hilary just won’t drown, no matter what I pour on her, or set her down in (even an extra large Tim’s®), scrolling and searching through the Canon website – the Canuckian version, anyway – is tedious and time-consuming.

And I don’t know if I want to starve trying to pay for an DSLR, or if I want to “settle” for another point-and-shoot, which I can at least afford, lawyer bills and all…

Best In Class (and yeah, it’s a free service) found MY new camera for me with a few clicks. And it is a Canon.

So, if my legal battle is won (errr… what I call “won” – ahem…*), I’m celebrating with a new camera. If I lose… well, I’m buying it anyway.

It’ll make me feel better.

Until I have to hawk it to pay the lawyer.

Random Song-for-the-Day: “Big Yellow Taxi” – Joni Mitchell

Categories
Artsy Fartsy Photography Photoshop

A Fascination with Fakery

"Applefield Sky"PhotoShopped on October 20, 2007
“Applefield Sky”
PhotoShopped on October 20, 2007

Portal2theUniverse (AKA “Gateway to the Multiverse”) called me a Prestidigitator a couple of weeks ago. At first I wondered if I should be offended, but his actual opinion of Where the Walls are Soft seems to be somewhat admiring, so I ended up feeling fairly complimented – sort of like when somebody calls me “weird”. If I’m going to cultivate the persona, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised when others jump to the conclusion that I really must be so, even when somebody sees through the smokescreen and outs me to the Internet at large.

Prestidigitation (what a groovy-cool word) aside, when I’m taking pictures, I really want the perfect shot from the get-go, and generally only want to open Photoshop to resize the images for my blogs. Sometimes, though, Hilary Federwhore insists on taking the shot exactly as she sees it in her viewfinder, completely ignoring the vision in my mind.

At other times, she will just play the bitch and focus on something behind the very obvious, perfectly-centered object that is my intended focal point, prompting me to swear like the sailor me ol’ Da’ used to be. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

“…and speaking of ‘apples’…” (Har Har), I saw this HUGE field of them on my Walk-About yesterday, and got some really nice shots. The “field” was the four-foot width of grass, a median of sorts, running the length of Wellington St., and those apples are really tiny, little crab apples that can be encircled with the thumb and forefinger, so the vision in my head was probably a little over-the-top to begin with.

Hil cooperates beautifully when I break all the “how-NOT-to-treat-your-electronics” rules, in that she has survived being dropped into puddles (accidentally), being set down in wet bathtubs (several times now, but still, accidentally), getting caught in recent, sudden torrential rainstorms, and being splashed by passing cars. She refuses to die. Granted, I haven’t drowned her in coffee yet, but that’ll no doubt happen at some point. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Yesterday, to get the POV you see in “Applefield Sky”, I set her down in wet grass. On purpose. Even with her ass wet and freezing, Hil is a trooper, and gamely took the shot, but she was pissed off enough to leave the traffic and buildings in it, and this was the raw result:

"Applefield Sky Original 'Apples'"Taken October 20, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550
“Applefield Sky Original ‘Apples'”
Taken October 20, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550

Not the vision in my head.

The day before, I had snapped a “Skyscape” picture, as I had told David McMahon I was going to break the flower addiction with a new subject.

"Applefield Sky Original 'Sky'"Taken October 19, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550
“Applefield Sky Original ‘Sky'”
Taken October 19, 2007 with Canon PowerShot A550

Crap photo if ever I saw one.

So I spent waaaay too much time last night in Photoshop, removing the traffic and buildings from the “apple” shot and superimposing the result over the “skyline” shot, when I was supposed to be doing homework. And waaaay too much time today, writing this post, when I’m supposed to be doing homework and clogging up the vacuum with several sweaters’ worth of cat hair.

But, hey – I am a Prestidigitator. That’s what I do.

Random Song for the Day: “U-Fig” – System of a Down