I think if I were to admit my deepest, darkest secret, it would have to be my dream of producing music videos. I have a really fantastic, eloquent sequence for the Cake tune, “Short Skirt, Long Jacket”, but it involves Val Kilmer circa 2001 and a woman stripping on a city street, so somehow I don’t think I’ll be able to get it made anytime soon…
When Ruby was a young girl, her school in Northland had a fair once a year, in the spring. It offered the usual school fair “stuff” of the era; games of chance, 4H projects, etc., and students could show off (and sell) their needlework and baked goods.
One year, Ruby won a needlepoint contest – got a trophy and everything. Another year, she and her sister Joycie entered a singing contest. They won 10 cents each for climbing up on the back of a hay wagon and singing “The Little Shirt My Mother Made for Me.”
The real killer year for Ruby, though, was The Year of the $5 School Cake.
She and her sisters each baked up something to sell at the school bake table every year. This year, Ruby had baked a chocolate layer cake. It was a beautiful cake and she was really proud of it.
On the walk to the fair, Ruby fell behind a little, walking veeeerrrryyy carefully to make sure her cake survived the journey intact. She was just coming to the edge of the fairground, far behind her sisters, when a stumbling drunk guy comes reeling towards her, and stops her.
“Hey,” says the drunk. “Whad’ya got there?”
Ruby tells him she’s got a chocolate cake to put on the school bake table.
The drunk says, “Yeah? I’ll give you $5 for it.”
Ruby, not being stupid, promptly handed him the cake. $5 richer, she went wandering around the fair grounds until she found her father at the ice cream stand.
Her father loved ice cream. He looked forward to the school fair every year, just so he could get an ice cream cone. He also loved children, and every year, he bought every kid that came along an ice cream cone too.
When Ruby found him, he asked, “Did you sell your cake?
Ruby said, “Yup,” and told him about the drunk, and showed him the $5.
Now, Ruby’s dad had probably just blown (at 5 cents a cone over 20 or 30 kids) around a buck and a quarter. Ruby, on the other hand, had just gained $5 by scalping her own school cake. All her father could think of to do was laugh.
Ruby has no memory of what she might have spent that $5 on, and it drives her crazy that she can’t remember.
“That was an awful lot of money back then,” she says.
All I can picture when she tells this story, is the drunk – stumbling through the woods and across fields carrying a chocolate layer cake…
Not-So-Random Song-for-the-Day: “The Little Shirt My Mother Made for Me” – Marty Robbins
The winning caption was written by Dale of Passion of the Dale, a fellow Canuckian, I might add. No, I didn’t “fix” it. I’m not that patriotic.
And those that didn’t win, not to mention those that didn’t enter the contest (shame on you!), can get a copy of Natalie d’Arbeloff’s “The God Interviews” by clicking Here.
Congratulations, Dale! I know you’ll love “The God Interviews”.
As will any cats you read it to.
Random song for the Day: “Opera Singer” – Cake
His name is Mike Valley. His favourite song is a toss-up between “Beth” by Kiss, and “My Ding-a-Ling”, by Chuck Berry. “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” runs a close second. He sang Karaoke before it was invented. He owns a rock polisher and eats Caramel Spread® sandwiches, and he’s the best sword-fighter in the world.
34 years later, I have the exact same haircut…
About 10 minutes after this picture was taken, Mike swallowed the quarter hidden in his piece of cake, and spent the rest of the day pissed off about it. I had to Photoshop me over from the other side of the table (along with the window – you know, for the view), and poor Girl with the Plaid Pants got “smeared” out because I just didn’t want to share the limelight. Happy Almost Birthday to me.
I wish he was here – I’d give him his quarter with interest…
This post is for you, Mushy. Something to laugh about while you recuperate… did your mom put money in your birthday cakes? I wanna know…!
Not-So-Random Song for the Day: “My Ding-a-Ling” – Chuck Berry