Categories
The Landlady

NewsFlash: Love Found on the Internet

Image: I Heart U
“I Heart U”
Taken July 13, 2008 with Canon PowerShot A550

No, not me, silly! Myself, I am quite content with singlehood, as of yet; it’s Ruby that told me this story, and isn’t it high time for another one from our favourite Little Old LandLady?

Yes. Yes, it is…

We were watching a ball game… the Jays were playing; Ruby’s favourite team, and for once they were actually winning while I was watching, which is unusual, because I generally jinx them into doing stupid things that cause them to lose the game…

During a lull, Ruby started to talk – took me a bit to realize she was speaking to me and not the umpire – my first clue should have been that she didn’t start the sentence with, “Idiot!!” (Ruby rarely calls me that).

“Remind me to tell you a story when we go back to the kitchen…”

Me: “Oooh! What kind of story?”

“It’s a cute story. Funny, but cute, I think.”

Me: “Yeah? Is it about you?”

“No. Shhhh, now!”

So, I had to shhh for about 15 minutes. I got up to get another cup of coffee. Ruby doesn’t drink coffee in her living room. She says she forgets about it, and it gets cold. Usually by the time she gets her coffee on baseball nights, there’s only enough for a 1/2 cup left, but she doesn’t seem to mind…

By the time I’d jinxed the Jays badly enough for Ruby to give up on them, I was wired on caffeine and worked up about the upcoming story…

Me: “So, give it up.”

Ruby laughed. “Well, like I say, it’s funny, but it’s cute. *I* think it’s cute, anyway…”

And then, of course, she took a long pause while she sloooooowly wandered around her kitchen, sloooooowly getting cream for her coffee, and sloooooowly adding the sweetener (after first discovering that her little sweetener container needed to be refilled and sloooooowly refilling it), and then sloooooowly stirring it all up…. I was ready to strangle her before she finally started to talk.

“Have you met my niece, Carol, yet?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, Carol has a friend that lives in the middle of the bush somewhere down in Southern Ontario, I don’t know where for sure, but she doesn’t live there all year ’round, anymore. She comes and stays at Carol’s place in the winter. Her name is Dahlia.

And last winter, Dahlia got using the internet, and got herself into one of those chat rooms…”

Now, as we all know, Ruby does not like or trust the internet, and I was really surprised that she actually knew what a chat room was at all. So I waited for her to start shaking her head and talking about how Carol’s friend got herself into something she shouldn’t have, and wondered how this story was going to turn out funny or cute.

“And, of course, she met this guy…” Ruby chuckled again, and stirred her coffee some more, making me wait it out.

Me: “Uh-oh.”

Ruby laughed out loud. “I was thinking the same thing, when I heard about it! I guess she started chatting with this fella, and after awhile, he was the only fella she was chatting with… His name was George. Well, you can guess where this is going, can’t you?”

Me: “Yes, I can. She fell in love and ran off with him, didn’t she? Did he take her for her cabin in the woods and she ended up destitute?”

“Now, don’t go gettin’ ahead of me; you’ll ruin the story!”

So I shut up again.

“So, Dahlia and this fella started talking about meeting up, and I guess that’s when Dahlia got a little nervous about what she was doing, and she talked to Carol about it.

Carol read all the letters, or what-you-callems that they’d sent back and forth so far, and she told Dahlia that the fella seemed like he was on the up and up, but then again, who knows for sure? So, Dahlia decided to stick to chatting with him for a bit longer until she knew a little more.

After awhile, though, she decided to take a chance and meet with the guy. Carol said that Dahlia could tell him her address…”

Me: “WHAT?! You’re not SERIOUS!! OH. MY. GOD.”

Ruby laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

“That’s about what *I* said! Now, let me finish the story!

So, they set up a date and time that this George-fella was gonna come to town and visit Dahlia, and Dahlia got more and more nervous as the day got closer. If I’d been Carol, *I* woulda been the one that was nervous-”

Me: “Yeah, me too!”

“-but Carol didn’t let on that she was when she told me this, anyway.

So, anyway, the day comes, and Dahlia was so worked up that she darn near hit the ceiling when the doorbell rang. So it was Carol that answered the door.

And she took one look at the fella standing there, and said, ‘GEORGIE!! What are you doing in town?!’

It was my nephew, George, Carol’s cousin, standing there! At first, Carol didn’t put two and two together, figuring Georgie had just come to visit ‘cuz he happened to be in town… but, no, it turned out that OUR Georgie was DAHLIA’S George all along!

Me: “So did they hate each other?”

“NO, they didn’t hate each other! They got along just fine, and as far as I know, they’re still seeing one another. Turned into quite the match, I believe.”

Me: “Oh. So, then, he didn’t take her for her cabin in the woods and she ended up destitute?

“NO! Now you be nice, or I won’t let you blog this one!”

Random Song-for-the-Day: “Obla Di Obla Da” – The Beatles

Categories
Kyla Becker Real Life

It Used to Give Me Peace of Mind…

ky phone
Now, the bill is causing an ulcer.
Taken February 17, 2008 with Canon PowerShot A550

As a former “Smother Mother”, placing a cell phone in my daughter’s hands relieved some of the “she will surely be kidnapped/assaulted/raped/arrested or otherwise end up in a body-bag if I let her out of my sight” symptoms. Surprisingly quickly, actually.

Now, as long as she answers the damned thing when I call, I don’t worry much. She may be beyond her boundaries, or past her curfew, but she’s alive, at least.

Just having a cell phone at all was enough for her for a short while. Until she got into text-messaging, and added 20-40 bucks to the bill every month. My previous provider had no intention of giving me a break or a deal on text-messaging until I canceled my account and signed a three-year contract with the current one for the free, unlimited text plan they had – a little late for the other guys to win me back.

The new plan is a little more expensive, but it saved me a lot on the messaging. For a month or so. Now, she can’t be bothered with texting. At. All.

Nope, now it’s ringtones she’s into.

My phone just rings – you know, “Riiiiiiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiiiiiiing!” Like a phone.

Hers rings and it sounds like a party started. If I’m sleeping, it scares the crap out of me. Yes, apparently Everybody Else’s parents allow phone calls at 2 am. Everybody Else’s parents are starting to tick me off.

The ringtone changes every half-hour, as well. It’s hard to tell if someone’s calling, or if the stereo is set to Auto-On.

So now I have that bill to worry over again, because of all the downloading going on. I could pay another $20 a month for the unlimited data package, but how much do the freaking files cost?!

Yes, it’s possible to get free ringtones. Now, I have to convince her that the free ones are as good as the not-free ones, I guess. And are “Hip-Hop Ringtones” the same as “Dance Ringtones”, because apparently, she doesn’t want either one of them. When I ask what she does want, she kind of shrugs.

I think she only wants whatever I don’t know she’s managing to get. Until the bill comes in, that is.

If I had any sense, I’d just quit complaining altogether, and in a month or so she’d quit downloading ringtones. Where’s the fun if it doesn’t cost Mom money, after all? I’m afraid of what might come next, though.

Does anybody out there know what comes next?

What comes next?!

Random Song for the Day: “Choked Up” – Minibar