Goddess for a Day – Questions & Answers on CardioGirl’s Blog

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Inane questions answered, starring Les as guest goddess

Last week we talked about inane questions — unimportant miscellaneous queries I would like God to answer and/or explain.

I’m not talking about deep philosophical questions, I’m talking about those little things that are irritating and make me wonder what happened there. So Les, in her magical goodness, answered the three questions I posed last week and that gave me anwhy idea.

Wouldn’t it be fun to invite a Lounge member to be guest goddess over here? You can leave your inane question in the VIP Lounge and Les will answer your questions in the return comment thread. Since guest goddess is at the wheel I won’t be popping in as much to comment, but I’ll be sipping a Whiskey Head Bump while I lean against the wall taking it all in.

And Les gets to go first because she inspired the idea. But I will be hitting you up, as a VIP member, sometime in the future to star as guest god/goddess/guru. Please play my reindeer games. Games are fun even if Mr. C refuses to play them and gives me a blank stare every time I yell “Jinx!” Punk. But this isn’t about Mr. C. It’s about you.

Now to make this seamless, I’m going to pose my question in the first comment rather than here in the post. Isn’t that cool? I get to be first because this is my cyber world and I can do whatever I want over here. Yeah, that’s tight.

So I’m inviting you to question all of those little tidbits that are bugging you. And feel free to ask as many questions as you want, you have guest goddess at your disposal — at least for today, since that what she agreed upon.

I can’t wait to read your questions and guest goddess’ answers. Here we go!

115 VIPs have spoken

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 7:29 am

Hey Guest goddess, how are you doing? That’s not my question, it’s rhetorical so don’t bother answering that.

Why does the hair that I tuck behind my right ear get frizzy as soon as it’s dry? It’s the only spot on my entire head that does that. Yes, I do use hair spray to smooth that mofo out, but shouldn’t I have frizzy sections all over?

Aren’t these things controlled by hormones? Is the Hormone Director inside my brain falling asleep at the wheel? Is he messing with me? Is there a Hormone Director inside my brain?

And if there is, does he like his coffee black or does he take it with cream and sugar?

Thanks in advance.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:34 am

Okay, so that’s SEVEN questions, Betch, not even counting the first one that doesn’t count.

Ahem…* Okay, let’s do this, then.

The hair behind your right ear is growing out of that “special place” over your brain that is reserved for inspiration. You, being the spectacular writer/blogger that you are, tend to over-use and abuse this specialness and sometimes you’re just tapped out. If you insist on scratching behind your right ear for more inspiration, weird things are bound to happen.

Be glad it’s just frizzy hair and not baldness. That could be next, you know – slow down.

As for the rest of those questions…

Apparently not, no, sometimes, probably, obviously, and whatever you pour in there is just fine with him.

As for the first question… fine. How are you?

Liz A. says:
August 5, 2009 at 12:58 pm

This is fun.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:24 pm

Yeah? You’re not the one looking at “60 VIPs Have Spoken” when you get home from work!

Steve says:
August 5, 2009 at 7:59 am

Okay…here’s a question: What evolutionary theory explains why a man loses hair on the top of his head at the same time he starts growing major nose and ear hair? If the evolutionary reason that we grow nose and ear hair is to provide greater filtering abilities so that bugs and such don’t fly/crawl into exposed orifices, then why don’t younger people have nose and ear hair?

Speaking of hair: have you noticed that hair is probably the only english word that if you stick an “s” at the end of it (to pluralize it) you make it sound like less? For instance, if I said “I have a lot of hair on my head” – sounds like I have a lot. If I, instead, said “I have a lot of hairs on my head” – it sounds like I only have a few? Odd, huh?

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 8:04 am

(whispers) Yes, that hair vs. hairs thing is weird and I agree totally. Hope I didn’t step on Guest god’s toes by chiming in with you.

Steve says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:00 am

(whispers) shouldn’t that be “guest goddess”?

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:12 am

(whispers back in a loud stage whisper) YES! You’re absolutely right and I shall change that henceforth.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:47 am

STEVE! What happened to ONE question?! You’re a freakin’ Canuckian, aren’t you?!

Yes. Yes you are.

Your hair is not falling out. It’s just begun to grow backward. This is because you’ve begun to question yourself. You’ve lost your confidence and now all you can do is lament and cry “Why? Why? Why?” Now you know why the younger folk don’t have nose/ear hair – they still know everything.

It’s probably too late to reverse the process now, but you might try gripping your hair in both fists (the stuff left on your head, not in your nose) and rock back and forth while you cry. It may not work, but you’ll probably feel better, and the rest of us will be entertained.

And I can’t answer the hair vs. hairs thing until I figure out beer vs. beers.

Now I need beer. Thanks.

Liz A. says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:00 pm

I’m so relieved the Goddess drinks beer.

I had an Asian TA always tell the girls to tie all your hairs back in Chem Lab. We used to think it was hilarious.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:25 pm

You mean you’re relieved the Goddess drinks beer so you can send me some, right?

Right…?

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:37 am

i’ve asked some of these before but here goes.

why does it take 6 weeks to get your first magazine subscription. what are they doing weeks 1-5?

why do men call, listen to your message but they don’t leave a message?

why don’t kids spill stuff on floors that are not carpeted, but on carpeted floors they have dropsies?

how come people are still confused about which came first the chicken or the egg. animals were created first. what is the problem with this question. if you are an athiest, then never mind, i know what the problem is.

that’s all for now. was it just one question. that’s impossible.

ps. how come teeth don’t grow back like nails and hair.

and how come cookies don’t have the same nutritional value as broccoli.

how come, dang, never mind. i could go on and on.

one question? but i have multiple personalities and they all chimed in. they hate feeling left out.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:59 am

The wait period is actually 2 weeks. It’s a “monthly”. You are just impatient. Steve’s trick will help, honest.

If you tell me how to get a man to call, I’ll tell you why he won’t leave a message.

Kids DO spill stuff on uncarpeted floors, but they “clean up” after themselves by wiping their socks over and over and over it. Check the bottoms of their feet – you’ll see I’m right.

The egg came first. They grew on trees. The chickens got stuck with the job when they pissed God off by eating of His forbidden fruit (and by this I mean EGGS, not apples). Obviously, this version of the now-famous Garden of Eden story was lost in translation when the Bible was being written down (by a man). If he’d have left a message for clarification, God would have done so, and we would all be less confused today.

Say hi to the rest of your personalities for me. They sound like groovy-cool people, based on the questions.

Steve says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:43 am

I know Les is the guest goddess, but I feel, as a man, that Natural deserves a more direct answer(s) to her question: “why do men call, listen to your message but they don’t leave a message?”

Well, there are two explanations: either they are too shy and chicken out at the last minute OR they are listening to your voice for their own…um… “stimulus package”.

And by the way – as a man – I call back. I truly do.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 11:39 am

Yeah, but do you leave a message?!

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 2:08 pm

i’m going with door no. 2 cuz we are sooo past the shy stage. like too many years and wth past shy. my point is — he dials the number, will listen to my message, waits for the beep, lets me listen to him drive or the background noise and then hangs up. maybe he’s fiddling with his phone and can’t hang up right away. maybe i could ask him. i have 4/5 calls like that in a day! now i don’t mind the stalking, but please finish the job, don’t leave me hanging, he’s come so far, finish the call!!!!! please. i’m all anticipating and then i get the hang up.

when i get voice mail, i hang up. caller ID has already busted me. the person usually calls back.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 7, 2009 at 10:17 pm

He’s a man. He’s driving. He’s trying to drive, make a call, stay in his own lane, remember where he’s driving TO, NOT slam into that van full of kids (even though he REALLY, REALLY wants to), and by the time he gets to the BEEEEEP he doesn’t remember who he’s called.

And he knows he’s SOL with you if he says the wrong name.

You’re gonna have to cut him a break on this one.

Teeth growing back, now… that’s a good one. I need to consider this.

And since when are cookies not as nutritious as broccoli?! I beg to differ. A better question would be “why can’t I spell broccoli correctly the first time ’round?”

Or… “why won’t my kid make my coffee when I ask her to?” The first time I ask her to, I mean?

Michelle says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:47 pm

OMG! I am loving your answers!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:35 pm

Isn’t this fun, Michelle?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:26 pm

Thanks, Michelle! I gotta tell you, I’m having a ball here. I might have to start a new weekly Where the Walls are Soft: “Ask a Stupid Question”.

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 2:10 pm

well holla back when you do. i’m full of shet and stupid questions.

cardiogirl says:
August 7, 2009 at 6:16 am

You know I’ll be all over your Ask a Stupid Question like a fly on … warm potato salad at a picnic.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 7, 2009 at 10:18 pm

You will both be on my “list”, trust me.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:45 am

The Goddess would like to impress here that she STILL hates that she can’t delete a comment when she’s typed it in the wrong place…

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:58 am

I can act as the wizard, if you’d like, and clean up these comments after the fact. You just need to use the code word. Um, it can’t be betch or shetbag because those have become standard English over here.

Let’s see. How about tippy toe? Just blurt it out at the end.

Tippy toe!

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:05 am

Tippy toe that one, would you, Betch? Thanks.

Or not – it’s kinda funny, now…

🙂

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:21 am

How about we’ll leave this one as explanation and then it’ll be like Where’s Waldo for the rest of the VIPers trying to see if they can catch tippy toe before I do.

Yes, that’s what we’ll do.

Sweep the Leg this is fun!

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:47 am

So if somebody yells “TIPPY TOE ON COMMENT @CARDIOGIRL!!” that means we have to give prizes? You know our record on contests, Shetbag. We might wanna reconsider this one.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Whoa, whoa ginga. No prizes. Our track record is (coughs) impaired and there will be no prizes given out.

It’s more the thrill of the hunt and the feeling of satisfaction one might get from the experience.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:27 pm

Great. First, NO LUNCH. Now, I’m being hunted.

No more favours for YOU, Shetbag!

Sandy says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:25 am

Just a comment about hair. I happen to believe that our hair is somehow connected to the cosmos. There are higher powers at work here. For example, have you ever noticed that if you have a bad hair day, the entire rest of your mojo for the day goes to hell? And when you have a good hair day, the moons align and everything goes right? I have even noticed that on good hair days, I only hit green lights.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:46 am

I am a great believer in The Green Light Fairy – so I get them whether my hair is being good or not. Usually it is not. Unlike The Parking Lot Fairy, though, The Green Light Fairy must be invoked every time you get behind the wheel. The Parking Lot Fairy is much more cooperative, and, much like your internet browser, will learn your habits, saving you the same parking space without being asked, every time. Granted, you should be using Firefox for this to work properly…

Ummm… did that answer your question? WAS there a question…?

Raj & Co. says:
August 5, 2009 at 11:47 am

why do some vehicles (school vans maybe) have a sign on the back of their truck that say: this vehicle stops at all railroad crossings. we all stop if a train is coming, unless we have a death wish.

or this vehicle does not turn on red (even if it’s okay). why not!

thank you.

btw, where’s the tip jar? we’re way over our limit.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

The sign is there to remind the impatient motorist behind said vehicle that said vehicle is required by law to stop at the railroad crossing whether there is a train coming or not. Death wishes aside. And were I a school bus driver, I imagine I would park that sucker right on the tracks at all times before I had a week in, as my “death wishes” are generally aimed at other people. A busful of other people’s children would very likely top that list.

In other words (a whole bunch more of them) the sign is there in a vain hope that you, the impatient motorist, will read it and think to yourself, “Awww… poor driver MUST stop. NOT trying to piss me off. Best NOT ram vehicle over and over and over and over…. Will hold horn down repeatedly and swear loudly only.”

Or not. It’s your call.

And it NEVER turns on a red, because the driver can’t possibly remember to look for a “do not turn on red” sign and not kill the passengers at the same time. Stress, I tell you. STRESS!

Pssst. Tip jar is at the nearest Paypal address… email CG and tell her to put a donations button up. I’ll second you.

Bumbles says:
August 5, 2009 at 12:50 pm

First of all – thank you for the Tippy Toe laugh – haven’t seen that old Seinfeld episode in quite a while!

My question is this. Why do cell phones only ring when people (specifically, my co-workers) have set them down and walked away momentarily – leaving me behind to listen to their annoying ring tones/songs? And a follow-up question would be, why do people pick the most god-awful melodies for their ring tones to begin with? If it was playing some cool music I wouldn’t mind listening to it go off.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 12:57 pm

YES! Another Seinfeld fan! I fear the hold of Seinfeldian language/catch phrases is dying a slow death. We must ban together to keep those phrases alive.

What was the first thing they agreed on? Wasn’t it some song about a lemon tree and then George decided it would take too long to sing the lyric?
R
Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness
says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:12 pm

I didn’t see this Seinfeld episode… (I know.. for shame!) am I using “Tippy toe” correctly?

Bumbles says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:33 pm

The classic Tippy Toe episode of which we speak was about George and a woman he was dating.

He left her this really nasty message on her answering machine for some reason, and then found out he was all wrong, and wanted to get to her machine before she did so he could erase the tape (ah – the good old days of answering machines instead of voice mail). He and Jerry devised a plan to have her invite them into her apartment by using the excuse that one of them needed to use the bathroom.

If, while in the process of switching out the tape in her machine with a blank one, she were to be coming around the corner to catch them in the act, the were supposed to use a code word as an alert. They did decide on a verse from some old song Lemon Tree like CG mentioned after Tippy Toe was shot down. How ridiculous would it be to find a way to mix in Tippy Toe into conversation? Humming a verse to a song was much easier.

But then, when the time came, George couldn’t remember the song to sing, or Jerry didn’t hear him or something – I forget – and so he just started shouting out Tippy Toe, Tippy Toe! They managed to switch the tape but after all that his girlfriend mentioned that she had checked her messages earlier and thought George’s message was all one big joke and didn’t take it seriously.

Whenever someone is about to get busted, or a code word is needed to leave a party when it gets boring or something, my husband and I always use Tippy Toe.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Sounds like a “safe word”. Not that I need a “safe word” for umm, anything… ummmm, any more.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:07 pm

They are doing it on purpose to annoy you. You are correct: your co-workers are useful only in managing to annoy you.

Follow-up Answer to Follow-up Question: See above.

Solution to both (you didn’t ask for one, but I’m nice like that): Steal the phone the second the co-worker walks away and turn it off. Place the phone in a different co-workers desk, preferably waaaay back in an un-used drawer. Or better yet, waaay back in an un-used drawer in the manager’s desk.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Um, oops. I deleted one tippy toe that apparently was tied to a second tippy toe. Not sure how or why that happened, but it’s gone now.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Yeah, yeah… and the “funny” addition that has ended up below now makes no sense and is no longer funny.

You are MEAN.

WHERE’S MY LUNCH?! Natural says I’m s’posed to get lunch.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Hey I sent you lunch down there, under Natural’s question about the elevator. Now you’re telling me you want a second lunch?

Who do you think you are, some kinda goddess or something?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:46 pm

YES, I want a second lunch!! On account of, I didn’t get the FIRST lunch. Shetbag.

And I’m so confused as to who/what I are/yam anymore that I don’t know how to answer that…

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Are you bulimic? I’m just askin’…

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Well, it beats being asked “Are you anorexic?”, I guess… Next time somebody asks me that, I’m going to say, “Yes. This way, at least I GET lunch.”

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Could that explain why this comment has gotten soooo thin.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:37 pm

(laughs and shakes her head) Buf, touche!

Well played.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Yup. If CG were generous enough to give prizes, you’d already have my lunch.

Liz A. says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Why does Yuengling Light only come in 12 pack bottles? It is most inconvenient for me.

Am I actually supposed to clean my oven?

Can you inspire someone to make a styrofoam product that doesn’t outlive us all once we throw it away? I think that one has some philisophical potential right there.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I would have to assume that either

a) Yuengling Light is SO good, that the brewers (that IS a beer, right?) are doing you a favour by saving you a second trip to the Beer Store,

or

2) Yuengling Light is SO bad, that the brewers are trying to pad their bottom line.

Only clean your oven if you move house, unless you don’t give a rip what the landlord/new resident thinks of you once you’re gone… or unless all your meals start to taste like “Leftover Casserole” AKA “What the inside of an uncleaned refrigerator smells like”. I’m not good with culinary questions – I don’t cook. Thus, I never need to clean an oven – I just vacuum out the dust-bunnies now and again.

Can *I* inspire someone….? Are you kidding me?! I can’t even manage to inspire myself fer God’s sake!

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:22 pm

hi it’s me again.

very rarely do i take the elevator but because i do need to find other means for stretching my legs, i take the stairs. yeah,that’s right.

but my question is after i press the elevator button and it’s lit, (the elevator has been called and is coming) someone will come behind me and press it again. like i did a sloppy job pushing the button and they have to go over my work. no, i got this. are they blind? feel the braille bumps punk, the button was pushed.

thank you for your services. what time do you close?

cg put you to work today les. you’re being a good sport about it. i have more questions, i’m just saying, don’t go to lunch. please.

cg, when i edit a comment, it should recall the one that gets emailed too. dang nabbit.

considering i’ve been hanging at the VIP lounge most of the day, when will i get fired?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Good on you for the stairs, Natural – I’m proud of you, if that counts for anything…

About the elevator button… either these people have OCD and/or don’t TRUST that the lit buttons means it has already been pushed and is on its way, or they are just retarded. Yes, I KNOW that that is not “politically correct” and I don’t generally go around referring to people as “retarded”, but it does lead into the next bit…

ASK the next person that does this that question: “Do you have OCD or are you just retarded?!” I KNOW what happens next, but it’s REALLY fun to find out for yourself.

I feel safe enough daring you to do this, because you normally take the stairs, so I’m pretty sure you can run faster than a button-repusher.

I NEVER close. Like the internet, I am open 24/7, just not normally in THIS space… (I was going to add that, also like the internet, I sometimes go down, but thought better of doing so. I do, however, sometimes sleep. Not lately, though.)

Lunch? What lunch? CG, are you supposed to be providing lunch?! If so, it’s late.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Um, yeah. Yes. Didn’t you get the take out Chinese I ordered? I also ordered a Red Bull just to keep you goin’.

You didn’t get that?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:44 pm

No. No Chinese, dammit. And I LOVE Chinese!

And, with my light-speed metabolism, Red Bull would kill me. Don’t you love me, anymore?

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Maybe that new kitty, the Monster, ate your Chinese food.

I did forget about your metabolism. It’s a good thing you didn’t get that Red Bull. Maybe I should send some green tea, eh?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:16 pm

“Green Tea” = “Same Thing”.

You DO wanna kill me, don’t you?!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Seriously? Green tea will jack up your mojo? I thought it was supposed to be calming and relaxing.

Is there nothing out there that’s calming and relaxing? Ohhhh.

The, uh, “brownies” are in the back of the cupboard behind the large plates. Don’t tell the fuzz.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:30 pm

“Fuzz”? What is this “fuzz” that you speak of? Can I eat the fuzzy brownies…?

I kid. I know “fuzz”. I’m old.

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm

i do have the brass equipment to ask that question, but i will wait on calling them a retard until i hear the first part of their answer. if they have OCD, okay, but if not then i know the answer to the second question.

thanks for staying open. i have three more hours of questioning.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Please see the post down below but still in the middle where it doesn’t belong, since I broke the blog, wherein I mention being kicked off my own computer until after my J.O.B. shift.

Sorry.

But I will answer your questions for three hours in about seven hours, if that’s what it takes.

Assuming I can FIND your questions in all the broken-ness of this place.

Oh, what a mess I’ve made…. :0(

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm

“Like the internet, I sometimes go down” I think I just found my new motto! Thanks Goddess!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:42 pm

That is a nice line, isn’t it Buf?

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:09 pm

i too thought that was funny, but would keep my thoughts to myself.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:31 pm

If I’d known it was THAT good, I’d have put a price tag on it…

Buf says:
August 6, 2009 at 11:01 am

I’m apparently incapable of keeping my thoughts to myself in the Lounge…lol

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 11:42 am

I as well, me. We should start a support group, maybe?

Lola says:
August 5, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Personally, I think that elevator buttons should be rigged with a mild electric charge for those douchebags who press the button after they saw you press it. Then if they still don’t learn, up the voltage. Problem solved.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:32 pm

I don’t think that would work… they would continue to push it, saying, “WTF?!” until they passed out.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Ummm… I can’t reply to you properly, either. Did I (gulp..*) break your blog?

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:45 pm

What the hell man? Okay, no idea why this one worked while the others did not. I hate when electronic devises start to mess with my head and work intermittently. Not cool.

I don’t think you broke it.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:54 pm

I DID. I DID! I DID broke your blog.

Now, if I only I could do that on purpose to OTHER people. This sucks.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Um, I’ve entered mindfreak at warp speed.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Cool! You fixed it! Or somebody fresh out of the Ladies’ Room fixed it. Or I fixed it by osmosis from that stupid store.

Fixed, anyway.

Except now that I’m back, I’m likely to break it again…

What does THIS button do…?

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:52 pm

i went to the ladies room just for a minute. lol. your comments will link now.

les, do you know why people buy vowels on wheel of fortune when we know they know what the puzzle is and there are only vowels left. this really bugs me.

cg didn’t send lunch? well do you at least get a gold star for your efforts today. wait, she made you a god. i think you are above the stars. neh’mind.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm

People buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune when we know they know what the puzzle is and there are only vowels left because they have watched The Secret one too many times, and mistakenly think that if they “give a little back” that the Universe will force the producers to give them even more money.

Dummies.

No. I got NO. LUNCH.

And I broke the blog, so I doubt I’ll get a gold star either.

But I AM a God/Goddess, and with a broken blog, I don’t think CG can take that away, now.

And you ARE correct about the replies working now, apparently, so you’re gonna have to stay outta the bathroom from now on.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:00 pm

I wonder if we’re commenting at the same time canceling each others’ threads out.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:08 pm

With the Wonder Twin brain we’re sharing, you’re probably right… but now *I* have to go to the bathroom, so this would be a good time to test that theory.

Go!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Damn, you were in the bathroom at 2:08 pm and I didn’t get back from the Park Experience from Hell until 4:15 pm and it took me until now (6:34 pm) to cool my jets.

If this thread doesn’t work (looks menacingly at the monitor)…

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:35 pm

I’m telling you – it’s the Magic Pee Break that does it. It must be.

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:13 pm

i will wear a depend the next time you guest goddess. i don’t want anybody in the corner rocking to the beat of dysfunction.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Do not expect to need one anytime soon… no lunch. Somebody beat me to the Brownies. CG’s trying to kill me by SuperSizing the already SuperSized metabolism. No gold star.

FUN, though! REALLY, REALLY FUN!!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Okay, I’m asking another question because I can and because I want to see if you can reply directly to this thread.

(taps side of head with her index finger as she contemplates)

Remember that stuffed Snoopy I had when I was about 10 or 11? It had a metal stand so I could pop him in there and it looked like he was standing on his own and he had a bunch of outfits I could change him into.

Hey! I guess he was sort of a precursor to the Build-A-Bear dress up bears. Okay, getting back on track. What happened to Snoopy? I’m betting someone threw him into the trash when I wasn’t lookin’.

Who threw Snoopy away and why?

(crosses fingers and chants, pleasebeabletoreplyinthisthread pleasebeabletoreplyinthisthread)

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:00 pm

I refuse to answer the question of Snoopy’s fate until you tell me if you found your scissors behind the fridge…

And it’s working now because Natural is back from the bathroom. It was all her fault, after all.

WHERE’S MY CHINESE FOOD?!

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:01 pm

(laughs)

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Fine. Peanut butter sandwiches, it is.

Again.

Pout…*

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:12 pm

I am being kicked off my computer by my F-ing child. Questions will now have to wait until I return from my shift at the F-ing Store-Formerly-Known-as-StereoHut. Please let there be questions waiting that are NOT of the “Where do the batteries go?” variety…

…and if even ONE customer yells “I didn’t pay $600 to read an F-ing manual!” at me, I’m going to end up in handcuffs, so if I don’t come back, please send bail money.

And lunch.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Alright, if you end up in the clink I will spring for both bail and the restaurant of your choice. But I have to be your one call from the cell.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm

You would have been off the hook if I HAD been arrested, as I didn’t get this reply until I returned. I would have had to call my Mom… but she would have been proud. I would have won the Coveted Family Cup. That would almost have been worth the jail food.

Square Peg Guy says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:50 pm

This reminds me of Ask Heather on Electric Minds….

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Who’s Heather of the Electric Minds? I tried to Google that and the one link that looked promising got hung up and won’t display.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Yeah! Who the hell is Heather on Electric Minds?! Can we sue? Are WE gonna get sued?!

Square Peg Guy says:
August 7, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Now look who’s asking the questions! 🙂

Electric Minds is an online community that normally resides at http://www.electricminds.org/ except when the server is down. At this point they’re all probably huddled onto a Lifeboat, wondering which one of them would make a good meal for the others.

Ask Heather is a topic or conversation or thread within this community channeled by someone named Heather.

You can view at least the first several words of most of the posts in that thread here:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en-US&q=site%3Awww.electricminds.org+%22Ask+Heather%22

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 7, 2009 at 10:21 pm

I don’t like it. I haven’t seen it, and I still don’t like it. Even without lunch, it MUST be funnier over here…

God knows, it’s hilarious without the pee breaks.

Anne says:
August 5, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Ok, one inane question on the way…

Why do they not make a good flea repellent/killer that doesn’t cost a huge amount of money?? The cheap ones don’t work.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Because they know you will pay it.

Is this for you or for your pet? ‘Cuz, dollars to donuts, the “human” stuff will work just as well, and will cost a lot less. Gasoline will work too, but there are possible side effects. Premature cremation comes to mind. As well as “permanently stoned dog”. That last might be funny enough to be worth the risk, though.

Anne says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:51 am

hehe….its for the cat, fleas don’t like me! And for the kids…cuz I hate the bitching about the itching. So, yeah, permanently stoned dog would be damned amusing but not exactly…

*as I sit here getting ready for work giggling….all day the image is gonna haunt me….*

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 11:44 am

Better the “stoned dog” image than the cat going up in flames, no?

“How do you make cat bark like a dog?”
“Strike a match…”
“WOOOOOOOOOOOF!”

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm

well since most of my questions have really been pet peeves and rants, i’ll throw my last question out there now.

how come i keep dreaming about being chased by a big gorilla, like king kong.

i’ve been dreaming about animals. in my last dream, i had 3 in one night, i was being chased by an ape and a green snake was trying to bite me.

what’s wrong with me, dr. les goddess? what do those dreams mean. i looked them up and well – humph. wrong.

thanks.

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Nat – Just be very happy that you didn’t have the dream I did the other night. It involved Sarah Palin (I have no freaking idea where she came from), my brother, and them sewing one of my body parts closed. I can’t possibly imagine what that was about. In fact I probably don’t want to know…lol

Goddess if you any suggestions they would be welcome. (Yes, I already take medication, see a psychiatrist and thereapist…lol)

Wendy says:
August 5, 2009 at 5:12 pm

I actually murdered someone in one of my recent dreams – what’s up with that??? If you knew me, you would know that my murdering someone, even in a dream, is unreal! Then, after murdering them, somehow, I was dead as well and several of us were walking around hoping we didn’t run into the murdered one because he would now have power to leap through walls, etc., just like us.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:54 pm

@ Wendy – You feel guilty about something, and the Karmic backlash frightens you.

And when the hell did I become Psychic Dream Master over Goddess?!

ALL OF YOU NOW OWE ME $5.95 PER MINUTE! U.S. FUNDS. NO REFUNDS.

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:08 pm

a female in your dreams. oh H to the N. (play the oriential music and hit the gong please). and sarah palin at that. i’d have to shoot on sight. men only please. the thing about my dreams is that i’m in control of them – except for when i’m being chased. what is the problem. and sometimes, that big gorilla, he’s tearing up the city and i’m freaking out, not only because he’s chasing me, but because he’s making a mess.

i need to take medication, see a psychiatrist and a therapist.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:57 pm

I’m telling you – you gotta let him catch you. For all you know, he’ll just poke you with his finger and yell “You’re IT!” like Craig Ferguson did that time I dreamed of him.

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:00 am

let him catch me and he’ll poke me with his finger. uh, okay. my instinct is to run, i can’t control the running dreams. well let’s see if while i’m awake i can instruct my brain what to do while i’m dreaming. i’ve done that before, but not with the chasing dream. here’s $5.95 for your services. i’ll get back to you.

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:42 pm

lol…Actually it’s very rare that I remember my dreams much less be able to control the people in them. Mainly I’m just there and wondering WTF is going on.

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:01 am

give it a try, buf. it’s fun. you do know when you are dreaming though, right?

Buf says:
August 6, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Nope…actually I sometimes have the problem remembering if something happened in my dream or in real life…lol

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 7, 2009 at 10:22 pm

Guess I know who stole the brownies…

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:52 pm

@ Buf – Sarah Palin came from ALASKA, remember?! You know the land “blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It’s energy!” God gave her energy. Just not enough to finish out her term, apparently…

I’d need to know more about your brother to make a suggestion on that one…

And… ummm…. WHICH body part…? Not that I’m sure I want to know, either…

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:39 pm

Energy would be good. My brother is a chef. So maybe I will have energy to start cooking.

No you don’t want to know anymore than I have already told you….actually you may want to wipe this whole exchange from your memory. 🙂

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 12:07 am

YOUR BROTHER’S A CHEF?! Does he want to move to Canuckia to live in one room with an olderish insane woman and her teenagerish, yet oddly sane, teenager? And a sauna? Does he cook for free?

Did I mention the sauna?

Buf says:
August 6, 2009 at 5:27 pm

I’ll have to check with him on that…lol He’ll cook for about anything, beer is a favorite and I think sauna usage would be pretty high on his list.

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:01 am

God gave her energy. Just not enough to finish out her term, apparently…

LOLOLOL!

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:47 pm

@ Natural – Ummm… fleas? Perhaps the ape just wants to groom you. I suggest you let it catch you next time to find out.

That snake now though, means jewelry – probably a bracelet. I’m not kidding, either. You either really really WANT it, or you’re about to get it.

Natural says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:05 am

i took a flea bath two days ago. too bad the dumb ape can’t talk, then i would know for sure.

i don’t want a bracelet. i do need more costume jewelry, but i don’t have my eye on anything in particular.

the snake dream was a first. oh well. one animal at a time.

Buf says:
August 5, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Today’s comments are starting to resemble the scrambled nature of the thoughts in my brain.

My inane question for today is inspired by absolute lack of physical coordination today (1 fell twice and stumbled at least once by 2 pm this afternoon). How am I supposed to go merrily into the world and earn a living when I can’t even manage to walk without falling from my front door to my car that is a mere 30 feet away??? Furthermore, at what point do ankle replacement become a viable alternative or is there someway to go into my ankles and tighten up the tendons that are essentially flopping around in there?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Have you seen “Twilight”? Bella has no coordination whatsoever, and she made out okay… assuming you like vampires and werewolves, I think you can just fall, stumble, and be merry, all through this world as well as any other you may end up in. Ahem…*

Actually, I’d be more worried about you driving the car… 😉

Buf (MC XL) says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:35 pm

Sorry I’m one of the few that hasn’t seen or read Twilight yet. It is on my list to read. I have been watching True Blood some. However, since I share my name with a renown vampire slayer, I’m not sure hanging with vampires would be a good choice on my part…lol

Driving was also problematic today. On the way to work after my falls, two semi’s tried to make a sandwich out of me. Luckily I was able to avoid that fate by slamming on my brakes. On the way home, a crazy limo suddenly decided to change lanes right as I was entering the same lane. Major swerving avoided that. All around a dangerous day for me….(shaking her head and thinking I should have gone back to bed after the falling).

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 11:41 pm

See, what’d I tell ya! (shaking my head, too)

Wendy says:
August 5, 2009 at 5:17 pm

This was such an interesting VIP lounge experience (despite things going haywire on the comment links, etc). Wish I could think of an inane question. At the moment, three raging lunatics (aka, my sons) are racing around my house disturbing my ability to think even inane thoughts. Perhaps, I’ll try again tonight – that is if I don’t fall solidly off to sleep at 9:45 again, as I did last night (how, after all that sleep at camp, can I possibly still be needing so much sleep that I fall of at 9:45 on my flippin’ anniversary???? There’s your inane question.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:22 pm

I’m going at this one for the second time…. I broke CG’s blog (yes, again) trying to answer the first time, and I broke it REALLY, REALLY bad. Thankfully, it seems to have forgiven me.

So… as I tried to tell you once I absolutely refuse to answer this question – out of jealousy. I’m jealous of anybody that can just “fall solidly off to sleep”. GREEN with envy.

I will take all three of your raging lunatics off your hands if they come with your sleeping ability. You can keep your husband.

Wendy says:
August 6, 2009 at 12:25 am

Ah, but perhaps my husband is the key to this cunundrum (sorry, couldn’t resist that witty reply).

I really did think that I was coming down with something. Tonight, he is the one who is falling over dead tired (and has been in bed since about 10 – but that is his normal bedtime, so I reason it doesn’t count)

I’m sure either end of the spectrum is no good. I even fell asleep with the baby, when I put him down for a nap this afternoon … and that was after an 11 hour night’s sleep. Of the two, though, I’m sure constant narcolepsy episodes is far less troubling than frequent insomnia.

No wonder your guest goddess gig is hopping so insanely!

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 12:42 am

I’m leaning more toward the idea that we are just all nuts here. I should have negotiated a paycheck before I agreed.

It’s been a real laugh, though, hasn’t it?

Buf says:
August 6, 2009 at 5:29 pm

“I’m NOT nuts…I’m condiments!” – Howling Mad Murdock, A-Team

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 7, 2009 at 10:23 pm

It’s about time. Did you bring the hot dogs?

Natural says:
August 5, 2009 at 9:19 pm

i’m not laughing because i’m on my 2nd glass of wine, but because you have a ticker on your side bar. 26 more days of school. at least sanity does return.

question for les, how will cg celebrate her kids first day of school?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 10:24 pm

She will trounce both Mildred and the Stinkpot on the elliptical machine. Twice. Then she will go have a bagel in celebration. Not a FREE bagel, though. She’s still getting over that last one.

cardiogirl says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:23 am

So true! But it’s Muriel, just for the record.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 6, 2009 at 7:50 am

Damn! No, nevermind – you know I change everybody’s name. Hers is now Mildred.

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Never freaking mind. I figured that out. I yam stupid, ain’t I? Or should that be, “yamn’t I”?

And never mind this “Tippy Toe”… I’m making myself laugh. That’s important, now that I’m back working at The Store-Formerly-Known-as-StereoHut”. You can’t imagine HOW important it is to laugh…

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:38 pm

For some reason I can’t reply to your particular comment right above this one. That’s weird because I am the Supreme One on this here blog and it’s supposed to bend to my will. Regardless, I believe that should be “yamn’t I.”

Damnation! I even went into the admin panel to respond to that one up there. Sweep the Leg!

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:42 pm

Indeed. Sweep the Leg.

You gave me temporary “Goddess” status. Maybe admin misunderstood? Maybe I am “Permanent Goddess”, now? HA! I can dream, can’t I?

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:43 pm

If this comment does not go into your thread you will take over my reign. Let’s see who’s in charge. I’m about to press Submit Comment.

Now.

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:43 pm

AUUGGHHH! What the eff?

Um, I’m in a tizzy. What the hell is going on here? Why won’t it link comments anymore?

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:52 pm

It did up above when I replied to you about my second lunch. I guess I own your blog, now, huh, Betch? MUAH HA HA!!!

Unless, that is, THIS reply goes awry as well.

And if it does, I DID break your blog. Let me know how much I owe you, unless you want to call my lack of both first and second lunch as Even Steven. Although, I’d rather have lunch and owe you money…

cardiogirl says:
August 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm

So weird. I left you another question and it posted it five comments above even though it was the last comment left.

(sobs as she rocks in a corner)

Les of the Guestish Goddessy Magical Goodness says:
August 5, 2009 at 2:02 pm

“(sobs as she rocks in a corner)”

Don’t forget to grab your hair in both fists, a la Steve. Those are the new rules.

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